wings and things

Having fun!

on January 16, 2014

At 8pm tonight, I rang Anthony’s mobile phone and it was answered by a nurse and handed over to him. I have tried 8pm many a time (my method is to let the phone ring 11 times, hang up before it goes to the message bank, then try two more times in the same way).

Anyway, tonight I got to talk to him just as the nurses were putting him to bed. He was articulate, lucid, content and said he looked forward to seeing me tomorrow. It was such a normal conversation, he wasn’t in the least demented or delusional or distressed and his voice was so clear!

I have no idea whether he had been given what I call ‘the emergency pill’ (a sedative) or not, but it was such a relief that he was okay because I had been feeling guilty all day for not seeing him today.

The main reason I didn’t go in today was because I had a migraine. This was partly due to the relief of hearing that my niece was out of her spinal brace (extreme relief seems to trigger migraines with me), but also because it was my birthday yesterday, I’d had a fantastic lunch with my ma and Mingy.

DSCN2206 (2)

Then, in the evening, a heap of friends came over and it’s quite possible that I may have over-indulged in champagne and stale pizza.


When it began to rain, we all came into the kitchen and, with the music, loud conversation, and drink-clinking, I was reminded of those long-ago days when I first met Anthony, the kitchen throbbing with life, the stereo blasting, the absolute sense of unrestricted fun.

And for a moment, I basked in the memory of my adventure into the heart of Anthony. His sense of fun was always contagious – absolutely – and now of course he can no longer be a part of this sort of frivolity because he is too sick, too incapacitated, too confused.

I think one of the main reasons I fell in love with him is because he transformed me from a shy, intense, introspective teenager into a person who had the capacity for fun! He didn’t even know it was my birthday yesterday and he thinks he has only been in the nursing home for a few weeks (it is nearly 2 years), and of course he doesn’t know we had the impromptu party last night.

More than anything in the world, I miss his loud laugh, his wild sense of fun, his gregariousness and life-of-the-partyness, his twinkling eyes when he glanced at my flustered face, his amazing hugs and huge strength of being, of character.

Anthony has given Ming and me a huge appreciation of having fun despite all of the odds, and, for this, I thank him to the sky.

Of course I also thank the fantastic friends who came over last night!

44 responses to “Having fun!

  1. Happy Birthday! Glad you can find some fun amid all the stress.

  2. Happy belated B-day, Jules. So glad you had a great day!

  3. Terry says:

    Happy belated Birthday my friend!!!!! great photos!!!

  4. Lovely to see your smiling face, Julie! Happy belated birthday!!!

  5. cheers to your birthday and some well deserved celebrating!! wish i could have been there to toast you:) how absolutely fantabulous that he was able to share his gift for fun and laughter with you, it is a gift you can enjoy your entire life! i send love, big hugs and best birthday wishes:) what a gift that ants was able to be part of your good day

  6. Happy birthday (I’m convinced that people born in January are very special….). Glad you had a lovely celebration, despite everything.

    It’s disconcerting that January is in the bloom of full summer. Here, it’s the deadest time of winter. I’m going to remember that next time I’m tempted to think all is dead. No, it’s not ALL dead, not everywhere. There is always some place that’s lush with growth.

  7. Happy birthday Jules! You and Anthony have such a beautiful love story. Reading your words brought such a big smile to my face, I could feel the love emanate from the page. I am so happy that you had such fun with your friends, Ming and your mom. 🙂

  8. mimijk says:

    Happy Happy Happy Birthday!!! Wonderful pictures – so good to see you smile!

  9. Happy Birthday Julie! Yours still seems a house of celebrations, I’m glad you enjoyed your day.
    Diana xo

  10. Happy Birthyesterday! So glad you had a party, however impromptu.

  11. ksbeth says:

    wonderful, and he has given you those memories which are even there, even on the hardest days. what a gift.

  12. FlaHam says:

    Julie, The most important thing is HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!! You looked radiant!!! I am sorry you had a migrane, but I am glad for the reason it came on. That was an extremely important event. Those are so beautiful pictures thank you so very much for sharing them. Take care, Bill

  13. bulldog says:

    Happy Birthday for yesterday and it sounds as though you celebrated it in the right manner… with fun… hope you have many many more of them…

  14. janechese says:

    Happy birthday, Julie.Here’s to a great year!You might be tiring of pizza. 😉

  15. Happy Yesterday’s Birthday! And good onya for having a good time! Maybe there was a birthday present for you in Anthony’s good evening!!! What a gift that must have felt like. 🙂

  16. Glad Ants was okay. Glad your niece is better. Hope your relief happens slower so you don’t get a migraine. Great photos. You all look wonderful. 🙂

  17. Rhonda says:

    Well damn it! Why didn’t FB let me know it was YOUR day yesterday? Arrrrrgh. Happy Birthday my love and I’m so happy you had a smashing day! Rock on sister…xoxo

  18. Happy Birthday Julie and many happy returns

  19. tersiaburger says:

    My precious friend – Happy birthday for yesterday. I am delighted that you had a great day with lots of laughter, joy and champagne! You are such a special person and deserve to be happy and laughing!

  20. elizabeth says:

    Happy Birthday Jules! I too am so very glad you had such a wonderful day. 🙂

  21. It sounds like you had a wonderful .. fun birthday… Happy ‘belated’ birthday to “someone very special in a lot of people’s eyes’…. Diane

  22. Trisha says:

    Happy belated birthday! I’m glad you had so many wonderful people to celebrate it with!

  23. Vicki (from Victoria A Photography) says:

    Happy Belated Birthday, Julie.
    Looks like a fun time was had by all. Sad to hear that Anthony can’t participate, but at least you have the memories of Birthdays Past.
    Perhaps (if you’ve got a printer for the internet shots as well), you might put together an album of ‘Birthdays Past” – might be a fun project (as long as it doesn’t make you too sad).
    Lots of Love & Hugs

  24. Kozo Hattori says:

    Happy Birthday, Jules. Glad you are feeling gratitude. {{{hugs}}} Kozo

  25. So glad you had a marvelous birthday among friends and family. You sure needed to relax and have a laugh. Sending you hugely happy birthday wishes!

  26. Happy birthday. you and Ming have birthdays close to each other.
    you look happy in the photo and I am glad you had a wonderful time.

  27. Happy belated birthday…Sorry about the migraine, glad Anthony and you had such a lucid conversation.

  28. niasunset says:

    Happy Birthday! You are so beautiful… Love, nia

  29. Judith says:

    Happy birthday! Glad it was such a good one. You’re a Capricorn too. Awesome!

  30. viveka says:

    Wow, just what you and Ming needed – and the rain too … lovely and happy photos. It says it all. You look stunning in your blue tunic and your mum .. in pink. You’re so likeness. Lovely post – so great to read about your joyful days and evenings.

    • jmgoyder says:

      Thanks Viveka, my lovely friend! Your constant happiness always inspires me despite the odds.

      • viveka says:

        Thank you so much, Julie … and you inspire me – with you common sense and strength. One thing is for sure, I’m not constantly happy – far from it – I have many dark moments … but it’s nothing I want to share … because in the end people that reads post after post about the same problems .. will get depressed too. But I have a very happy platform.

      • jmgoyder says:

        I know how much you must suffer and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for being such a light, not just for me, but for many of us, Viveka!

  31. lensgirl53 says:

    Happy Birthday Beautiful Lady!! Seems both you and I are Capricorns (my b’day was Dec 28th….I am now in my 6th decade….YIKES!! XOXO dale

  32. WordsFallFromMyEyes says:

    How beautiful, all of this :).

    * Happy birthday, Julie 🙂

  33. bluebee says:

    Happy Birthday, Jules 🍰

  34. Lynda says:

    I’m sorry I missed your Birthday, Julie. It looks and sounds like it was a great success! I’m sending many blessings to you for this next year!

  35. Anonymous says:

    Hi Julie, happy belated birthday… Sounds like you had a lovely time and one that you both really needed. I can picture it in my minds eye now you all sitting outside around the table enjoying it all.

  36. yellowlancer says:

    Happy Birthday – and that blue top looks terrific on you. Love the colour 🙂

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