wings and things

I went to a funeral today

on September 5, 2014

Martin was 90 and his room was two rooms away from Anthony’s. He died a few days ago and I went, with my mother and one of the carers, to the funeral service at the Catholic cathedral today. After the service I was able to give Ruth, Martin’s wife, and three of his daughters, a series of quick hugs before withdrawing from their private grief. Ruth and I have formed a friendship borne of mutual care and grief over the endless months of our husbands’ deterioration so, even though it sounds selfish, I am not sure how to go on without Ruth’s visits to Anthony’s room. Already, there is someone else in Martin’s room and, even though I had just been to his funeral, I caught myself just about to wave goodbye to him – as I have done every afternoon/evening on my way out. Martin’s ‘gone-ness’ has been so swift.

This morning, as I psyched myself up not to cry at the funeral, I checked my emails and discovered that my blog friend, Bill, had died from COPD. The shock of it was terrible. His friendship, humor and rapport had blessed me for over a year. Here is his last, heroic post:

Then, hesitantly, I opened another email about another blog friend, Rhonda, and my heart did a somersault of dread as I read that she, too, had died. Jennifer’s post here honors Rhonda beautifully in a way that respects the horror of this tragedy. Jennifer’s post provides links to Rhonda’s blog.

My heart goes out to all of those who have been left grief-stricken by the death of their loved ones.

30 responses to “I went to a funeral today

  1. nellibell49 says:

    Ah Yes. My Man went running 2 months ago as he did every morning into the forest near our home – and he never came back. He was found beside the dirt road on top of a hill in the Forest. I am so lonely.

  2. Terry says:

    It is tragic days for you right now. We question why, but we know the answers lay with God. I am sorry for your loss in friends my dear Julie

  3. The bonds formed in the nursing home are like no other. I remember so vividly the names and faces of the people who shared my mother’s final years. Each loss was devastating. I wrote one of my essays about them (Remember Us Here Together).

    I am sad for you as you mourn your friends. Yes, the swiftness is breathtaking…when we visited the nursing home to pick up my mom’s belongings, there was already someone in her room…I saw her in the wheelchair, her back was to me, and I was grateful I did not see her face…she could have been an apparition as far as I knew…

    Blessings to you

    • jmgoyder says:

      Thanks Hallie and I just started following your wonderful blog, I probably won’t be able to keep up regularly but will try – Jxxx

      • Thank you, Julie. I post an essay about once a month, sometimes less often, telling the story of my mom’s decade of dementia, in the hope that it will help people feel less alone…(I felt so alone during those years but came out of the decade with a different understanding and appreciation and even hope). I appreciate your support and perspective, Hallie

  4. Randy Roberts says:

    The one thing I hate about getting older….

  5. Grief. In my humble opinion, the hardest thing for a caring human being to shoulder. So sorry for your loss. xo

  6. mimijk says:

    I ache with you Julie, with all my heart. Too much loss for one heart to bear all at once..

  7. Judy says:

    Thinking of you. It’s like a bomb went off. You are in shock and there are so many gaping holes. Feel my hug.

  8. susanpoozan says:

    So sorry that you are having to cope with so much loss, it must be very hard.

  9. ksbeth says:

    so many losses, so sad for all –

  10. I am so sorry for your losses Jules xoxo. I am sending you the strongest and warmest air hug in the universe with my mind, try hard not to fall down by the sudden impact. I wish I were there to make you a cup of tea and hold your hand.

  11. Colline says:

    It is always hard to lose someone in your life to death. Hope those friendships are replaced with ones just as supportive.

  12. Been a while since I have last been to a funeral the last one was in 2010 when my pop died, no that isn’t right the last one would have been Tim’s stepfathers funeral but since I didn’t like the man it really didn’t affect me

  13. tootlepedal says:

    Nothing to say but plenty to feel.

  14. jensine says:

    losing someone is the hardest thing we go through … no matter what the reason just the being left behind and facing those empty spaces is enough to deal with, and on top of that the emotions l toes that are cut add to the pain. I am so sorry to hear about all this loss but I hope you know you are not alone

  15. I heard about Bill, though I didn’t follow his blog… but then Rhonda.. it is very sad… and then Martin.. it’s a lot of sadness and grief . Thinking of you Julie and all who mourn in their loved ones’ passing…. Diane

  16. Luanne says:

    I’m so very sorry for your losses.

  17. ytaba36 says:

    Oh, how many sad blows in a short space.

  18. i didn’t where any of these people and yet i am concerned at the sudden number of those we are losing. today the comedian joan rivers died and everyone made a big deal out of her being 81. chris turns 80 in just a few days and i can’t imagine losing him at such a young age. he is so healthy and so was she. it was a routine outpatient exam that i declined just a few months ago myself. i decided it was not worth the risk.

    i am sorry for your grief, i will mourn with you and send you love and light, along with love and warm hugs. we are still here, anthony is still here, who knows why these things happen? i just want you to know that i grieve your losses.

  19. I’m so sad to hear about Rhonda. I’d been following her as well. So terribly sad. I’m also sorry for the loss of Martin. I hope his wife stays in touch with you. As for Bill, I miss him terribly. Sending you love as we share in our grief over our cyber family. Love, Paulette

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