wings and things


on July 30, 2016

I realised recently that my level of anxiety about Anthony was very high when I was home and unable to visit (due to flu or whatever). I was anxious about everything from him being cold (because his internal thermostat is wonky) to his confusion about why I wasn’t there.

Today, as soon as I entered his room, my anxiety dissipated. He was in sleepy mode and couldn’t remember how to eat his lunch, but he was still there – my husband, my rock.

As Anthony slept, and I watched re-runs of “Neighours” (because I forgot to bring my box of paperwork in), I kept my hand on his shoulder or head, as I usually do, and, gradually, his easy breathing gave me a sense of peace.

Sometimes I cry and cry into Anthony’s shoulder and he gives me comfort just by whispering, “Jules, Jules?”

We are now into our fifth year of Anthony being in a home away from home so he has outlived predictions that he would die either of prostate cancer or Parkinson’s disease by now. His dementia is an offshoot of PD and getting worse but he still knows who I am, who Ming is, and who most family members are.

And, out of all of my friends, family, staff, guess who gives me the most comfort?

Anthony himself.

12 responses to “Comfort

  1. Ann Clifford says:

    Dear Julie,

    Lovely to read your new post. I am so pleased you are feeling better. Do hope we can catch up before I go away on holidays on the 17th August.



  2. susanpoozan says:

    What a love story.

  3. arlene says:

    God bless your family Julie. Be well.

  4. I’m so glad for that 😀 Hugs Jules!

  5. Judy says:

    Such beautiful writing, Julie. Of course, he is your comfort – he is your everything. And that is the part that leads to anguish and anticipatory grief. The thought of, “What will I do without him?”
    I feel your pain. You are treasuring every moment and the gift you were given of five unexpected years. Still, there is no peace because of the impending grief. Sending you a huge hug.

  6. ksbeth says:

    pure love on both sides.

  7. This does not surprise me at all. ❤

  8. lensgirl53 says:

    A touching but sad portrait of your everyday life with and without your “Ants.” Sending hugs across the globe to let you know that I understand. ❤️

  9. And you are his comfort.

    Your all are in my thoughts.

  10. Sharon Gronow says:

    Hi Julie
    My dad is the same and now waiting to be moved from hospital to care. They are incredible people these loved ones with PD and its dementia. By the way regarding chocolate…melt it (dashboard of car on the way works well!)or some seriously delish choccy mousse. Even, those very slim chocolate decoration from the top of decadent chocolate cakes. ☺

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