wings and things


on August 9, 2016

Anthony can’t find or utter the words any more and this is terribly frustrating for him, and for Ming and me. He was much more awake today than he has been for the last week, so I felt a bit silly to have thought/written that he might be on the brink of death. Last year I was terribly angry with a relative who suggested this and now it’s me thinking the same thing, almost a year later.

I am shocked at how, within the space of a week, Anthony has developed dysphagia to the extent that he has difficulty in swallowing even vitamised food, and can hardly speak any more. It is the latter that is most upsetting for me because of how much I have always enjoyed our conversations, no matter how bizarre.

If Anthony stops speaking altogether, I will have to become more creative in what I say to him. The blog will help, photos of the farm will help, Ming references will help, memories will help.

I know that Anthony’s incoherence will soon become a silence that I may not know how to read and this worries me.

Me: I love you, Ants.

Anthony: ….

Me: You’re supposed to say it back!

Anthony: I love you, Jules.





21 responses to “Incoherence

  1. Ah Julie….my heart feels this post.

  2. Very, very tough to hit the ‘like’ button on this one, Julie, but I *do* love the way you love one another…

  3. ksbeth says:

    just being there and together speaks volumes

  4. being unable to speak is so frustrating – I have spasmodic dysphonia – so I don’t know how Ants may react – if he can. wishing you both well

  5. he does love you Jules….

  6. dogdaz says:

    You are so brave. Don’t ever stop talking to him. My Dad spoke with his eyes when his voice was gone. You will find your way.

  7. Colline says:

    I feel for you. May you find strength in the time you are able to spend with him now.

  8. My heart goes out to you, Ming and Anthony. I am sending you a lot of love xxxx Hugs Jules!!!!

  9. judyrutrider says:

    ~sigh~ I think, thanks to you, we all love Ants too. I do hope his care givers read your blog.

  10. Too hard to click “like” so please accept my warm heartfelt cyber hug. Holding you in my heart. ❤

  11. I remember when my Mother stopped being able to speak. It happened gradually though… first forgetting words she wanted to say.. and then just not trying. Though it seems different with Anthony.. as he still tries…. You’ll always find a way to communicate.. that I know! Diane

  12. tootlepedal says:

    Stay strong, Julie.

  13. susanpoozan says:

    I know that you will get strength from somewhere to deal with what lies ahead, you are so brave.

  14. camsgranny says:

    Been here, my heart is with you, calm before the storm….. Love ya’ll

  15. So very sorry he can no longer converse. I hope there’s some chance it could come back.

  16. Val Boyko says:

    May your togetherness be enough. It speaks volumes of the love you have for each other.
    ((HUG)) 💛

  17. You are still communicating — heart to heart. You all still feel and hear each other’s love.

  18. Judi Lynn says:

    It’s so frustrating to watch loved ones lose ground. And it’s natural to think a big loss might mean they won’t make it much longer. We did that when Mom slipped a lot. It’s even harder to see THEM frustrated. Good luck, Julie. I’m glad you and Ming have each other.

  19. Oh it is so sad when they lose the ability to talk, my nan can only say the odd word usually “mummy” or “Ron”

  20. We all “lose” a word from time to time and can sympathize to only the tiniest degree. I can’t imagine the level of frustration you both must feel. Sending you thoughts of love and peace.

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