I have been fluey for over a week now so haven’t seen Ants except for a quick visit on a day I thought I wasn’t fluey. But it seems to be a bit of a boomerang flu that keeps coming back so I have been staying away from the nursing home just in case it’s contagious and also because I am tired.
It is so, so, so hard not to visit him because I wonder how he is, mentally and emotionally. I already know that he misses me when I don’t come in for several days (like lately) and he seems to feel my absence in a visceral way. Sometimes he will say things to me like:
- you abandoned me
- who is your boyfriend?
And I am always too flabbergasted to give a coherent answer, which makes me look and feel guilty even though I am innocent!
Some staff members have told me that Anthony is particularly difficult to put to bed if he hasn’t seen me for awhile. This is so unbearable for me to imagine. I can’t ring him because he forgot how to answer a phone years ago.
I just rang the nursing home to give Ants a message that I will be in tomorrow and spoke to a beautiful nurse who said she would relay the message. But the burden of guilt is still terrible for me – terrible – and I think many carers of loved ones with whom they have been separated, due to the nursing home decision, feel the same.
See you tomorrow, Ants!
jmgoyder 
What a terrible dilemma you have had to face, breaking your heart in such a way, I send you all my sympathy.
I hope you feel better soon! Give your little puppy a hug for me.
How true 🙂
you have to keep yourself fit otherwise you will not be able to visit Anthony. Its hard but you can do it Julie. God bless
I hope that you are fully cured this time and that the visit goes well.
You’re so right.. my sister in law just a week or so ago, had to go to a long-term care home. My brother just couldn’t care at home for her anymore, and they both are taking it hard… she still has most of her cognitive skills and so it seems worse somehow. It’s tough !!
Hope the visit goes well!
So sorry you have had the flu. I was getting worried and thought something was wrong as your blogs stopped.Love you lots and take care. How about a movie on Sat afternoon ?Ther is “distant figures”that is meant to be good.2.30pm. Love Heather
Sent from my iPad
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Sorry Heather – have only just seen this message!
Hard for you and him both.