wings and things

New beginnings

on November 27, 2017

Every day, I smile back at my favourite photo of Anthony which was taken many years ago when he was well. This is the photo we chose for the bookmark distributed to those who came to his funeral, the one I often put into the back pocket of my jeans when I go out. Luckily I have a few spares because I accidentally washed one of them with my jeans the other day and Pip has dog-eared another one with her sharp teeth. FullSizeRender

Another new beginning: today I got to meet my newest great nephew, Archer, beautiful second son of my niece Ashtyn and her husband Gordon. He is such a winner! His big brother, Spencer, is equally adorable.

Archer with Julie


I love them.

But something else new seems to be happening to me; I have regained that curiosity about the future that I experienced fleetingly not long after Anthony died. It’s a very simple curiosity and consists of doing deliberate but simple, rather mindless things that are somehow meditative and calming, like the jigsaw I have begun, and cooking new, interesting recipes. The curiosity comes in the form of the question: “Will I be able to do this?” And because these activities are so simple and enjoyable, the answer is, of course, “yes”.

Small steps I guess – a kind of hop-skip-and-jump into each new tomorrow of Anthonylessness, his smile of encouragement somehow more real now that I have lost the real thing. He was always so proud of me.

Standing on a slippery rock, with imagined wings preventing me from falling, on the brink of a new beginning, almost smiling again.

Beginning again

19 responses to “New beginnings

  1. ❤ What a wonderful photo of Anthony. And the rest are wonderful as well.

  2. Such exquisite possibility in this post Julie. and yes, a wonderful photo of Anthony!

  3. so glad you shared this. lovely photos to remember happy days

  4. susanpoozan says:

    That is splendid news that you are taking small steps towards new things to do and a new life without Anthony’s actual presence.

  5. Colline says:

    I have not happened upon your blog for a while. My condolences on the passing of Anthony. I wish for you that your curiosity only increases.

  6. An awesome photo of Anthony and having new family members is always nice, welcoming a new life into the world is amazing

  7. Anonymous says:

    Wonderful post! I can see Anthony’s proud smile too. “Good on you Jules” I hear him clearly.

  8. Vicki says:

    Lovely photo of Anthony and so good to hear you sounding a bit better. Babies are so wonderful and loveable. They always make me smile. You’re lucky to have such a wonderful family around you.

  9. Heather Hugo says:

    Oh! Jules that is so wonderful. Your ability with words is extraordinary.Get on with that book!! Love you Heather

    Sent from my iPad


  10. I love all of these pictures, for different reasons.

    I’m glad to see you standing where you are.

  11. ksbeth says:

    that is a happy picture of anthony and you will smile again )

  12. Lois Watts says:

    Beautiful pic of Anthony Jules, while you have Ming beside you you will have the big man as well. Smile and laugh more, cry if you want to. Get behind the key board again have missed your posts, or come to NZ and stay with us, I will get you out on a paddle board, or maybe walk along the beautiful Tahuna beach and collect shells, bring Ming as well. Look after your self and smell the roses. xxxx

  13. KDKH says:

    Like the ocean, there may be an ebb and flow to your moods of grief and adventurousness, but it sounds so positive that the flow is returning. Go Julie! You are the author of your life and there is a new chapter out there somewhere.

  14. Lynda says:

    I have missed all the crazy with your birds and yet I understood your need. I like this new direction you have taken. All the little steps to healing and you are taking them at your own pace. Anthony was so content in this shot. I like yours too, but it is that last one of you that is my favorite. You look so strong in it, Julie. ❤

  15. Judy says:

    Julie, the whole concept of new beginnings is beautiful and extremely healing. It’s a big step forward from “endings.” While grief is something that accompanies you on this journey – I see a lot of hopefulness with this shift. Sending you my love and lots of hugs!

  16. dogdaz says:

    What a beautiful supportive image of your love

  17. So glad to see you spend time with the little ones. Children always help in healing.

  18. Small steps….. but important ones…. Diane

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