At the health retreat I went to not long after Anthony died, I was encouraged to write to him and I did that. But I didn’t do it again until today. I just couldn’t. Tomorrow it will be six months since he died – my husband and best friend, Anthony.
Me: I decided to go back on Facebook and write on my blog again. Do you think that’s a good idea?
Anthony: Everything you do is a good idea, Jules.
Me: Yeah, but I wrote about the whole depression thing and I’m worried I will embarrass myself, or my family ….
Anthony: You worry too much, Jules!
Me: How do you manage to be so positive, so happy, so hopeful, when you have this rotten Parkinson’s disease?
Anthony: Because I have you, and we have Ming … and the dogs.
Me: I love you more than life; I love you more than I’ve ever loved you before.
Anthony: Don’t cry, Jules, please….
Me: I didn’t know you were going to die so fast!
Anthony: Neither did I. Oh well.
Me: What do you mean, ‘oh well’? How can you be so nonchalant about your own death? I want you back, Ants! I want you back! I have to see the doctor tomorrow about the depression!
Anthony: Good idea, Jules.
Isn’t imagination the most wonderful thing!
jmgoyder 
Wonderful indeed!
It is the most wonderful thing. And knowing Anthony so well that you can hear his part of the conversation….that’s a wonderful thing.
I can’t believe its actually 6 months, Julie.
It only seems like yesterday that you decided about the nursing home being the only solution and blogging about your struggles with guilt about placing him there.
You’ve described Anthony so well over the years we’ve blogged together that I see him and hear his wonderful sense of humour almost as though I knew him.
Perhaps you might write and tell us how Ming is coping and getting on with his life?
Thanks Vicki – yes it is probably I wrote about ‘the Ming’ as he has been an absolute rock!
maybe he isnt so far away Julie.
You’ll get through this. I know you will. I watched my mom go through this when my father died too soon and unexpectedly. It’s a dark tunnel and walking in the dark is miserable.
Thank you for talking about your depression. Today I feel not alone in my own depression because of you.
Thanks for that encouragement to write about it, Melissa x
What a wonderful and so you and Anthony type of conversation
I am certain that with your imagined conversation, Ants is saying exactly what he would say. How beautiful!
It’s like he’s still here with you. Of course, he is. No matter what, you always have him in you mind. Speaking his truth, without any wavering. Loving you deeply, no matter what. Nothing has changed.
You miss him terribly – I know that, Julie. This is a new life you are navigating. Slowly, slowly, it will become more familiar and less strange. There is a lot of sadness, but joy will return. And Ants will speak to you and tell you how wonderful that is when it happens.
Sending a big hug!!!!
Imagination is wonderful… sometimes it comes from a knowledge and wisdom within…. Diane
Thank you for writing about depression. It will help anyone who reads about it here and who has suffered from it also. (That includes me.)
Imagination is the best! Lately I have been watching more – not ALLOWING myself stress about shoppiñg or mundane events. Maybe Iit’s because I have to walk slower because of a sore foot and see people and gardens and dogs better! Or maybe because I am a very proud first time grandmother of a cherubic 8mth baby girl who will be flying from Melbourne soon. So much to look forward to!
Can’t believe you are a grandmother – congratulations!!!