jmgoyder

wings and things

Imagined conversation 36

on May 30, 2018

Me: Your headstone has become a real headache.

Anthony: How so?

Me: Well, for me, it has been this final thing to do – sort of looming but at the same time something that might, strangely, be enjoyable, like choosing what colour of what stone, what words and….

Anthony: So what’s the problem?

Me: On the surface of things, it’s that I can’t choose the right monument. I mean I know that you wouldn’t have wanted anything ostentatious or expensive but at the same time I can’t just leave that cross the funeral parlour gave us.

Anthony: Why not?

Me: Well because it looked all shiny and lovely at the burial. Now it’s all faded and has probably fallen over in the last storm. Plus the dirt on your grave still hasn’t gone down so I’m not sure how placing the headstone works. Every time I start the conversation with the various headstone people, I stop again. I choose the colour of the granite, I choose the words with Ming, I get various quotes, and then I baulk, and that horrible of sensation of fear comes back

Anthony: But, Jules, it doesn’t matter – none of that matters. You matter, and Ming matters. I’m gone.

Me: So who am I talking to then?

Anthony: You are talking to an imagined me – you already know that.

Me: So what do I do about your headstone? People are starting to wonder.

Anthony: So let them wonder!

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Me: I have it in my mind and heart that placing the headstone should be on August 23, the anniversary of your death. That way I don’t have to panic about doing it right now and that way I can choose more sensibly, without all of this emotion.

Anthony: Wise decision, Jules.

Me: I wish you were here to help me with all of this, Ants.

Anthony: So do I.


8 responses to “Imagined conversation 36

  1. You know each other so very well.

  2. Sending loving thoughts your way. This can’ Be easy. ❤️

  3. And he is. Here. With you. Helping you. Make this decision.

    Wise decision, Jules.

    Hugs and love.

  4. tootlepedal says:

    The proposed date looks very sensible. One thing is certain – there is no rush, Ants is right.

  5. It must be so stressful and so upsetting for you, not something I would like to go through, if he could help you he would

  6. Del Ambrosius says:

    Julie I know what you must be going through but I think writing to Anthony must be good for you. Mine is done quietly inside my head every day. I guess it will fade for us in time but Ants is right. It’s up to you there’s no hurry. xx Del.

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