jmgoyder

wings and things

Love story 97 – Dealing with death

Anthony has had miniature dachshunds as pets for as long as I can remember. When Ming was born, we’d just lost Doc, a male, to old age, but we still had Inky, a female puppy.

Inky was, at first, alarmed by baby Ming – this strange,new creature in the family. But her alarm soon became intrigue, especially once Ming started crawling, then toddling, then babbling and I’ll never forget the shock on Inky’s face when Ming uttered his first word – “INKY!”

They were inseparable, making their infant-to-child transitions simultaneously. When I took Ming to ‘occasional care’, we would take Inky with us in the car, then Ming would carry her into the centre, much to all the other little toddlers’ delight. It was around this time that Ming – if asked if he had any brother and sisters – would state, proudly, “I jus have Inky – she’s my liddle sista.”

Inky was four and Ming still three, when she began to lose her rather manic liveliness. She started to get really drowsy, and her tail didn’t wag frantically anymore. Ming became upset when she wouldn’t race him, or fetch the tennis ball, or make the shrill, ecstatic noise she’d always made when he cuddled her.

Then, one evening, Inky wouldn’t even get up for her food, and we knew something was badly wrong. We rushed her to the vet and as Ming, Anthony and I watched, he said, “She has a heart condition and is dehydrated. There is nothing I can do; I’ll have to put her to sleep.”

With tears in my eyes, I crouched down and explained to Ming that Inky was in pain and that the best thing to do would be to put her to sleep. He nodded, solemnly as the vet injected Inky.

As we took her little corpse – in a box the vet had given us – out to the car, Ming patted my hand. He’d noticed my emotion and said, “Doan worry, Mummy. Inky’s jus sleeping. Gimmee her to hold.”

That was when I realized that he didn’t understand that Inky was dead. So I got into the back seat with Ming and, as we pulled away, I tried to explain, in my clumsy adult way, that the little dog Ming was holding was not going to wake up.

The car seemed to get very cold. Then Ming’s silence broke and he started to sob and so did I, holding tightly to his little hand. Anthony said gentle words to us while he drove us home.

As we reached the farm gate, Ming had stopped crying and said, in a quiet, solemn little voice, “Hands up all the people what are sad.”

We all raised our hands.

Then, when we all got out of the car, Anthony wrapped us all in one of his gigantic hugs.

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I miss them

My pigs, Mathilda and Vegemite.

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Love story 96: On the phone

Me: Hi, Ants, are you okay?

Anthony: Yes – when are you bringing me home?

Me: I couldn’t do the lunch arrangement and home as well today.

Anthony: I see.

Me: What’s wrong?

Anthony: I’m down in the dumps.

Me: Why? I thought you enjoyed the lunch.

Anthony: I did but then you made me go back. When am I coming home?

Me: Okay, Ants – I can’t manage you at home. You’re too heavy and I can’t do the nights.

Anthony: Why can’t we try?

Me: We have tried, Ants -please stop torturing me! And, by the way, why didn’t you speak coherently at lunch? Can you only do it when you’re telling me off?

Anthony: Okay, okay, Jules – please don’t cry.

Me: I’m doing my best, Ants! I thought lunch today would be great.

Anthony: I love you more than life, Jules – I’m sorry.

Me: Well you have a funny way of showing it – okay, I’m sorry too. Why did you have to get this stupid, rotten, bloody disease?

Anthony: I don’t know. Am I coming home tomorrow?

Me: Yes. Maybe.

Anthony: Are you picking me up?

Me: No – I can’t lift you so it’ll be the wheelchair taxi again. Ants, you know my blog?

Anthony: What?

Me: You know the blog I write?

Anthony: That clock story you wrote – remember that?

Me: No, not that. Well, anyway, I wrote about you today and admitted that I avoid you sometimes.

Anthony: Why?

Me: Because you are a pain in the neck, but I still love you.

Anthony: Jules, I have to go – it’s teatime.

Me: Okay, seeya, babycheeks.

Anthony: Jules?

Me: Yeah?

Anthony: You are wonderful.

Me: You’re not too bad yourself – I’ll ring you later to say good night – love you.

Ming: Will you idiots get off the phone so I can ring Davie? Oh, hi Dad – yeah seeya.

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Mixed messages

Me: Good evening, my beautiful gang!

Seli: Julie!

Woodroffe: Julie!

Zaruma: Julie!

Pearly: Julie!

Godfrey: ABOUT FACE, gang, that vroom herder is coming. Quick, get into the yards!

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Spring storms

It is the third week of Spring over here in the southwest of Western Australia and we have only had one week of sunshine. Today the winds are whipping up, the rain is relentless and the forecast for tonight includes gusts of 100kms – mmm.

The animals get nervous when it’s like this and so do I!

Yesterday, some guys I’ve never met before arrived to chainsaw and clean up the debris of fallen wattle trees from the last storm. In a couple of hours they did what seemed to me to be an insurmountable task and they didn’t even charge very much. They said that if we had another storm, the remaining old trees at the back might fall over too because they are ant-ridden.  There was no sign of today’s storm yesterday – weird!

I think Ming may have organized for them to come (he is very keen to be the man of the house!) but when I asked the main guy, he said, “God sent me!”

I wasn’t sure whether he was joking or serious so I just shook his hand – mmmm!

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What is my name?

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Vroom-herding

The other afternoon, I was outside feeding the gang and trying to ‘herd’ them into their yards (I always have trouble with either Daffy or Pearl), Ming came home from milking the cows next door and did it in five seconds flat. He is a much more assertive ‘herder’ than I am.

The birds are wise; they obey his every ‘vroooooom’! If I were a bird, I would too.

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Well now I’ve seen everything!

Phoenix 1, our golden pheasant male, was actually flirting with a baby rabbit! Golden pheasants perform their mating ritual by fanning out the feathers around their heads on one side, then turning around and doing the same thing on the other side. When we had our female pheasants, the two males did this continuously (which obviously drove the females crazy and may be why they disappeared!) So now that we only have the one male, he tends to flirt with every bird that is roughly his size – the new hens for instance. And now a baby rabbit!

It was difficult to get decent pictures of this little incident because it all happened so fast. Phoenix 1 had been terrorizing this baby rabbit with his flirting when suddenly the mother rabbit chased him off. Hilarious!

A moment after I took this second picture, the mother rabbit collided with Phoenix 1 and he got a terrible fright and flew into the closest tree. I stood there amazed and grinning.

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An (un)successful day

It was a day of contradictions with a good dose of anger thrown in. Ming was angry with me (characteristically) for not warning him that Anthony was being wheelchair-taxied home for lunch; I was angry with Ming for not going with the flow; and Anthony was angry with me (uncharacteristically) when the taxi came to pick him up to take him back to the nursing lodge after only 3 hours of being home.

However (and thank goodness for however) it was a sunny day, I cooked a lovely lunch, we sat outside and Ming played his guitar and a friend came over to see us later on and she was there when Ants was taxied away and she tolerated my mixed emotions about a whole lot of stuff – a good friend who also tolerated the fact that I have still not pruned the roses!

When I kissed Ants goodbye, he was quite nasty to me. No, that’s not quite accurate; he was quite unhappy with me – for sending him back. We had had several tail-chasing conversations during the day about him wanting to stay the night, about the impossibility of this because I cannot lift him etc. Ming became impatient and told us both to shut up and I have to admit I just wanted the whole ordeal over and done with.

So, when Ants had been taxied off and Ming had gone off to milk cows, and I was alone, I waited for the usual sobbing to happen, but it didn’t!

Instead, I decided to look at a few pictures I’d taken earlier in the day, to see if they worked out. Here they are – our one white peacock (we have two white peahens as well) finally grown up enough to display!

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Blink

Okami always has an expression of absolute contentment in his eyes.

Uluru, on the other hand, always looks totally freaked out!

Both alpacas blink.

I never realized how much eyes could convey in terms of emotion until my husband, Anthony, stopped blinking. I didn’t know he’d stopped blinking and that this was sometimes one of the symptoms of Parkinson’s Disease. It wasn’t until we first saw a neurologist, who did some hand/eye/leg coordination tests, that this inability to blink was pointed out. The neurologist had a rather dry sense of humour and said to me, “You thought he was getting moody, didn’t you.” When I nodded, he said, “When someone doesn’t blink, they may appear to be angry or sad.” I looked at Anthony who looked back at me with a small, uneasy smile, his eyes unblinking. “So, do I have Parkinson’s Disease?” he asked the neurologist. “Yes, I believe you do,” said the neurologist.

As I drove us home that day – so many years ago now – Anthony stared out of the window and I blinked back tears, but we talked it through and decided to do the only thing we could do which was to take things one day at a time.

Keep blinking if you can.

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