I am always very careful not to write details of our story on this blog that might embarrass Anthony. The taboo topics are to do with matters of the groin area: sexuality, ablutions, incontinence, libido, that kind of thing. These topics are not taboo for Anthony and me of course and actually provide us with some rollicking conversations in a slapstick comedy sort of way and some of his male friends who visit love to tease him about his past exploits (not me, I can assure you ha!)
One of the things that most amazes me when I watch various television shows/series is that no matter how long a particular character is trapped, or imprisoned etc. he/she never seems to need to go to the toilet (I think Nicole Kidman was one of the first do so in her last movie with Tom Cruise – not sure).
Anthony is utterly unembarrassed by incontinence and made me laugh my head off the other day when he said, “I hate having a wet nappy!” when I tried and failed to get him to the toilet in time at the nursing home. Unabashed, he said, “Those kids will help me soon” (he calls all of the staff ‘kids’ for some reason.
But even writing the above paragraph makes me worry that (a) this would embarrass him; and (b) that relatives and friends who read this blog might think this is ‘too much information’. However, whenever I present my worries to Ants and/or read bits of the blog to him, about him, including the above, he reassures me with his half smile. He has a very healthy ego! Libido is of course another taboo topic but the hilarity with which Ants has approached this now diminished capacity (“This is a gold bar”) is, I think, an important part of a story of extraordinary resilience.
I remember thinking, years ago, that if this or that were to happen I would not be able to cope any longer. I was right; when this and that happened, the nursing home idea saved us – our marriage, friendship, love.
If I write the Anthony book, I want to be honest about these taboo topics; I want to demystify them, make them less scary, put it out there for those who are going through the same kind of thing.
Off to the toilet now!
jmgoyder 