jmgoyder

wings and things

Angry angel

Conversation between Ming and me this afternoon:

Me [timid]: If you could just stop being so angry – please! I think we need to go back for counselling.

Ming [sarcastic]: Oh, of course, counselling because I am a psycho and I need help.

Me: Everything seemed okay until a couple of days ago and now you’re angry again – I can’t stand it and I want it to stop.

Ming: But I am angry. I AM ANGRY!

Me: So what do I do?

Ming: LET ME BE ANGRY!

Okay.

That angry angel has a good point!

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Paranoia

King: Julie hasn’t been as attentive to us as usual. Have you noticed?
Prince: Yes I have noticed!

Frosta: Yes, I’ve noticed it too, guys, and I’m a bit hurt too, but from a female perspective, I understand that she is simply going through a blue wren phase.
Prince: What’s a blue wren?
King: Those stupid little birds that flit around our heads all day.

Parkinson’s disease, in its final stages, can lead to confusion, depression, hallucinations, delusions, moodiness, dementia, and paranoia. Ironically, some Parkinson’s medications can also have these kinds of side effects which is why it is such a difficult disease to treat. Until recently, it was Anthony’s physical debilitation that was the primary concern. Yes, hallucinations were a big problem but that was eventually improved by some changes in medication.

So the nursing lodge decision was made on the basis of his physical disabilities – immobility and incontinence (and other factors). But lately, there have been some signs of psychological problems. His confusion in the evenings has become a constant and his depression too, and  last week I blogged about his uncharacteristic anger with me. Today, when Ming and I visited, he was different again. He had a strange, suspicious expression in eyes (eyes which are so difficult to read now) and he began a mumbled diatribe about the nurse who had showered him this morning, saying that she had kicked his foot and hurt him. He even used a few insulting expletives so I left Ming with him out in the sunshine and went in to talk to the head nurse.

This is only the second time I have raised an issue. The first was last week when I told her that his anger with me was a new thing, and today, without going into exactly what he had said, I mentioned that he seemed to have something against the nurse who showered him this morning. I admitted that I didn’t know if he was delusional or if she had actually been a bit ungentle with him and emphasized that his complaining was, like this new anger, uncharacteristic. She said she would look into things tactfully and we both agreed that it may be a new symptom of his PDD. I said I would see his doctor asap to see if his meds. could be altered (for the millionth time) to address this new out-of-character behaviour.

She said that he was occasionally a bit rude and nasty to staff, especially if their ethnicity didn’t match his and I was a bit shocked and reassured her that this, too, was completely out of character. She patted me on the back and Ming and I came home a little stunned by this rather rapid change in Anthony’s personality. The other thing that has been happening lately is that he has begun accusing me of having a boyfriend (which, of course, I don’t!) and previously he was never the jealous type.

I hope we can do something about this because it is very worrying. I mean if he is nasty to the staff they are hardly going to love him are they. So this is a real dilemma in terms of his care.

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Enough is enough

I have been struggling to write about something for a couple of days because, despite the fact that I am fine with being honest and open about stuff in this blog, on Sunday our family situation became, for me, unbearable and I gave up. I couldn’t write about it except metaphorically (the ‘despair’ post for eg.)

That’s what happens, I think, when you have been enoughed enough – ha! But, on Sunday night, I realized that being this cringing wimp wasn’t helping so I gave up giving up and got angry instead.

I became Godzilla and it was very satisfying! I said NO, I said I am the boss, not you, I said enough is enough.

The teenager from hell suddenly reverted to his usual angelic personality and it has now lasted 48 hours. There is hope.

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An (un)successful day

It was a day of contradictions with a good dose of anger thrown in. Ming was angry with me (characteristically) for not warning him that Anthony was being wheelchair-taxied home for lunch; I was angry with Ming for not going with the flow; and Anthony was angry with me (uncharacteristically) when the taxi came to pick him up to take him back to the nursing lodge after only 3 hours of being home.

However (and thank goodness for however) it was a sunny day, I cooked a lovely lunch, we sat outside and Ming played his guitar and a friend came over to see us later on and she was there when Ants was taxied away and she tolerated my mixed emotions about a whole lot of stuff – a good friend who also tolerated the fact that I have still not pruned the roses!

When I kissed Ants goodbye, he was quite nasty to me. No, that’s not quite accurate; he was quite unhappy with me – for sending him back. We had had several tail-chasing conversations during the day about him wanting to stay the night, about the impossibility of this because I cannot lift him etc. Ming became impatient and told us both to shut up and I have to admit I just wanted the whole ordeal over and done with.

So, when Ants had been taxied off and Ming had gone off to milk cows, and I was alone, I waited for the usual sobbing to happen, but it didn’t!

Instead, I decided to look at a few pictures I’d taken earlier in the day, to see if they worked out. Here they are – our one white peacock (we have two white peahens as well) finally grown up enough to display!

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