jmgoyder

wings and things

Angry angel

on December 5, 2012

Conversation between Ming and me this afternoon:

Me [timid]: If you could just stop being so angry – please! I think we need to go back for counselling.

Ming [sarcastic]: Oh, of course, counselling because I am a psycho and I need help.

Me: Everything seemed okay until a couple of days ago and now you’re angry again – I can’t stand it and I want it to stop.

Ming: But I am angry. I AM ANGRY!

Me: So what do I do?

Ming: LET ME BE ANGRY!

Okay.

That angry angel has a good point!


50 responses to “Angry angel

  1. Judith Post says:

    We had our Nate all weekend. He’s 16 and nervous about a job he applied for. He was moodier–up and down–than both our daughters with PMS. Kids have to live and learn sometimes. Hope he works through his anger and is happier again.

  2. Perhaps he just needs to be allowed to be angry for a while, then he will go back to how he was?

  3. janechese says:

    Agree with the last comment.Sounds like you stopped going to counselling-surprised by that. So much more you could get help with, together or on your own. Doesn’t mean you are psycho-keeps you from getting that way.

  4. lucewriter says:

    My adult daughter told me the other day to just let her have her emotions and not try to “do” anything. Easier said than done.

  5. cecilia says:

    Morning darling, he does have a point. Good for you. This reminds me of a joke. ‘How do you know if there is a Catholic woman on the jury; When she raises her hand, turns to the judge and says it was my fault Your Honour! I am so sorry, it was my fault!’ (I was raised Catholic so i am allowed to tell that joke). and also i suffer from thinking that anything that goes on in the house or with the people in the house somehow is my responsibility. Let him have his anger ..and manage is himself, it is not your fault. Now, out you go and pour a cup full of water on my sunflower seeds. c

  6. Robyn Lee says:

    Ok ~ maybe he does have a point. Sometimes we need to work through anger to get to the next best place emotionally. In my land — when this occurs with my beloved family …. I respect it ..but request that the anger not be launched in my direction (cause it’s hurtful). They can be angry – as long as they find an appropriate “punching bag” ~ 🙂 Not sure if that was helpful Julie ~ love you and so admire you through it all!! R

  7. bulldogsturf says:

    Let him be angry… but it’s not your fault…. so he shouldn’t be angry at you… but then we always take out our frustrations on the one we love…

  8. FlaHam says:

    Julie, so you let him be angry, but what does his anger do to you , you’ve asked what could you do, and besides letting him be (which I get) how do you do, Ming uses his anger to vent his frustration, what are you going to do to vent yours. Take care, Bill

  9. Okay, he can stay angry for a bit, but maybe he needs to get control of what’s making him so mad and deal with it in another way. It’s not fair for you to be around an angry person all the time. It’s not good for him to feel that way in an ongoing way either. That’s my humble opinion.

  10. I just read Kristin Cuthriell’s blog http://letlifeinpractices.com/2012/12/05/letting-go/ It’s about letting go of what makes you angry. Check it out.

  11. terry1954 says:

    tell him to be angry in his room or out doors, so u don’t have to see it!

  12. tersiaburger says:

    Oh Julie, he is right. Let him be angry. He is grieving the loss of his father, the family unit as he knew it… He is so young. Stay strong!

  13. niasunset says:

    Mothers… always like that, me too 🙂 My son says something like that… it is just let them what they want to be… but I can’t stop talking 🙂

  14. kdkh says:

    Aren’t you angry too? Are you just mad that he expresses his anger and you suppress yours? You sound pretty angry in your posts — that Anthony got sick and happily ever after got diverted to the nursing home. Angry that you didn’t get what you’d wanted. Good for Ming!

  15. sbcallahan says:

    that angry angel has a very good point. however, if his anger is of harm to you he does not have the right to do that. be firm if you must, but take care of yourself. anger can spiral out of control as you know. of course he is angry, he sees his father dying. he is about to experience one of the biggest loses of his life and he is only a child really. i feel so for both of you and hope you can find a way to save yourself. i say that because you seem to be in the middle and don’t have the luxury they do. they have the luxury of not getting it from both sides.

    wishing you peace of heart.

  16. He’s allowed to be angry, but he can’t take it out on you! Hugs to you both!

  17. gentlepup says:

    I think there is usually a lot of pain underneath the anger, you know? He probably needs a good cry…but boys aren’t ‘allowed’ to cry. Maybe a sad movie or a tear-jerker song? I would imagine he feels abandoned by his father (who couldn’t help it, but still).

    Are there any other male adults in Ming’s life at this point? He might need a substitute father-figure…someone to mentor him, challenge him, rough-house. I’m not suggesting you start dating, of course! Just that Ming has a need that is not being filled…resulting in anger.

    I hope things settle down for you both, soon.

    Healing thoughts from Kansas!

    Jenny

  18. dcwisdom says:

    I think there are many things we mothers take personally when we shouldn’t. Good advice above. I would just add – don’t take his anger personally and ask him how and where he should direct his anger so as to not hurt others. He’s in that anger stage in the grieving process. Recognize and affirm it. Time and space. You’re a good mom, Julie.

    • jmgoyder says:

      Yes – he is angry with Anthony and he cried when he told me.

      • The poor little boy. That’s all he is, really. His whole world is upside down. He needs his Dad and he can’t have him. Of course he’s angry. Do you think he will agree to more counselling?

      • jmgoyder says:

        He just finally agreed and apptmt made – phew! He is a deeply sensitive soul and can see reason when I slamdunk him (as I have today), and he tries so hard to “make things right” (his words). Thank goodness he doesn’t read the blog any more & sometimes I feel terrible to divulge this kind of thing but I imagine this kind of emotional struggle is more common than uncommon and I have already learned from various other posts + comments that this is okay, even though, for me, it is intolerable. None of that probably makes sense but you know what I mean – thanks Tilly!

      • It does make sense 🙂 Glad he agreed.

      • jmgoyder says:

        You are so kind – thanks Tilly.

  19. bluebee says:

    It’s good that he tells you

  20. elizabeth says:

    So glad he’s agreed to go to counselling.

  21. I have had this conversation with my daughter Kathy many many times

  22. victoriaaphotography says:

    So many see ‘counselling’ as a sign of weakness or that the person is unbalanced or abnormal.

    Surely counselling is no different to ‘having a chat and getting things off your chest’ – it’s just that the person doing the listening can be objective as they’re a stranger and can channel negative emotions in a positive way.

    Chatting to friends or family can end up increasing negative emotions to the point where they become destructive.

  23. eof737 says:

    Hmmmm mmm He should still see the counselor. Just my 2 cents! 😦

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