jmgoyder

wings and things

Mar 6

Smiling, sighing and starting again!

by jmgoyder

Today, I started again with Husband.

I took Husband back to the nursing lodge and, after the usual teary farewell, I walked from his room down the long hallway and then thought that was getting to be a really stupid, repetitive ritual. So I ran back up the hallway, startling a couple of nurses, and yippeed back into Husband’s room, startling him even more, and pounced on him, wiped the tears away from his cheeks and yelled “One more hug for the road!” I left him laughing his head off. Yes!

Today, I started again with Son.

Me: (washing dishes with Son) Sigh

Son: You sighed again

Me: No I didn’t

Son: Yes you did – you just sighed as if you wanted me to go away

Me: I didn’t sigh and I don’t want you to go away. Sigh

Son: See – you did it again!

Me: (holding breath) Okay, so I’ll try not to sigh

Son: I don’t understand your sighs – you do it all the time.

Me: If I sigh, it usually just means I’m tired.

Son: Tired of me or of Dad?

Me: What answer would you prefer?

Son: The truth

Me: Okay, I’m a bit tired from the busy weekend with Dad and everything else

Son: I’m so sorry about the emus, Mum

Me: It’s okay – let’s not talk about it. Sigh

Son: Mum, can we have a talk later on about stuff?

Me: Why can’t we have a talk now?

Son: Because I’m busy resting – seeya. Oh, do you want more help with the dishes?

Me: No thanks, darling. Sigh

Son: Are you sure? You just sighed again.

Me: Sorry. Sigh

Son: I’m actually just watching the Harry Potter series because I missed most of it in my youth

Me: I think that’s great!

Son: Okay, love you, Mum

Me: Love you too. Sigh

Son: (from his room) I heard that sigh

Me: (thundering down the hallway into his room with a teatowel as a weapon) It was a happy sigh, okay!

Son: (terrified) Okay, okay! Sigh

He’ll be back!

Today, I started again with the dogs-versus-birds dilemma

And I was rewarded by a small miracle – Doc and one of the Bubbles together. I was utterly amazed because Doc has attacked cattle, sheep, other dogs, rabbits, and plenty of birds, over the years. He is a real little killer, literally! So to see these two guys simply curious about each other made all the starting overs today worth it!

Today, I started again with the vegetable garden

No I didn’t – hehe!

Animal Family Wings

23 Comments »
Mar 4

The pecking order

by jmgoyder

Tina Turner’s arrogance is breathtaking. Not only does he dominate the picnic table where I chop up the cabbages for all of the birds, he constantly attacks me. He waits until I have my back turned and then whammo, I have a rooster attached to my leg. What I find mystifying about these attacks is that when I shake him off, he then takes bread or cabbage from my hand.

So I have decided to teach Tina a lesson in humility:

Hahahaha!

Wings

10 Comments »
Mar 3

One blink!

by jmgoyder

This is not a spectacular photo but who cares because I have FINALLY taken a picture of the wild birds here – one blink and I would have missed this.

In Year 2, a new kid arrived in the town and was plonked next to Son in the classroom – a bright, white-haired little boy. Blinks were exchanged. A rather thunderous friendship began….

Sunset reckons a better photo could be taken of Thunder. Son thinks I’m a galah.

One blink, two blinks, three blinks….

Family Wings

9 Comments »
Mar 3

Frolicking, rollicking rage

by jmgoyder

Son is experiencing some predictable rage due to the frustration of not being able to do very much within the confines of his chest-to-hip surgical brace.

Nevertheless, and despite my fear and trembling, I just asked Son if I could take a picture of him with Husband. He reluctantly agreed after I gave him a hot meat pie, some mango yoghurt and his favourite chocolates.

Son: She only wants the picture for that bloody blog, Dad.

Husband: Well, that’s okay isn’t it?

Me: Will you guys shut up and smile? Please!

Mostly Son is very good at restraining his rage but every now and then it unleashes itself in the form of a fake smile. Or maybe it’s best described as a forced smile – a smile before the storm? If he discovers I have blogged these photos I will be in big trouble!

So I’m going outside to find Godfrey because he’s not so scary!

Maybe I’ll just camp out tonight. Wouldn’t you? I mean look at this beautiful angry face – yikes!

Family

16 Comments »
Mar 3

Rolling up the red carpet

by jmgoyder

Husband is home for the weekend and is going to stay for two nights, maybe three. The trouble is that he and I are having to keep this a bit of a secret from the various family and friends who say this is a bad idea. I almost feel as if I have kidnapped him! This was our conversation on the way home:

Husband: Does anyone know?

Me: Not yet. I thought I’d get you home first.

Husband: H and L think it’s unfair on you.

Me: Well, you’re fine now but we both know you won’t be that fine later and it’ll get hard – you know when you can’t walk and all that. And the nights – if you call me more than three times I’ll take you straight back (laughing).

Husband: Actually it’s not so bad there you know.

Me: I know.

Husband: So what’s for dinner? I’m starving.

Me: You just had lunch!

Husband: Is there any of your mother’s Christmas cake left?

Me: Ah, that’s a good idea.

Husband: Do you want me to open the gate?

Me: (hopping out of the car) No, I don’t want to wait two hours.

Husband: Such a gentle little soul you are (smiling).

Me: Okay, here we are. I’ll park the car on the lawn so you can get out. Well, come on – hurry up and get out. Oh, just a minute – I’ll give you a hand.

Husband: Careful! You’re so rough.

Me: Okay, here you are – is this okay? (swinging Husband into a chair on the veranda).

Husband: At the other place, two people do that and they’re really gentle.

Me: Yeah, you’re bloody heavy and anyway this is home (grinning).

Husband: It sure is (kissing my hand).

Me: Okay, so who do you want me to ring?

Husband: Actually, let’s not tell anyone until tomorrow (eyes twinkling).

Me: Good idea! Cup of tea?

So this is how we do it. Rolling out the red carpet didn’t work because it felt like Husband was a visitor in his own home so that’s why we rolled it back up and chucked it away. Now, when Husband comes home, I just carry on as normal and do my own thing and so does Son, which is much better than hovering over Husband like a couple of friendly vultures.

One of the things I like about our 3-way relationship is its sometimes ferocious honesty. And the fact that we can all laugh at ourselves and each other.

Me: Okay, so here’s your tea and cake. I’m going to go feed the birds and wake Son up.

Husband: But you haven’t given me a kiss yet.

Me: Oh, sorry, here you go xxx

Husband: Jules.

Me: What now?

Husband: I love you.

Me: Love you too – okay I’ll just be around the back.

Husband: I’m fine – don’t worry about me. Off you go.

I knew that by the time I fed the birds and did the various birdy chores, Husband would be asleep in the chair (he is very good at sleeping upright), so I took my time, had a stupid little cry, pulled myself together, and went back to the front veranda. It was 5pmish.

Me: Wake up sleepy head. Beer or champagne?

Husband: What are you having?

Me: You know what I’m having.

Husband: Okay, you have your beer and I’ll have a champagne.

I’m glad I kidnapped him!

Family

35 Comments »
Mar 2

A diamond in the rough

by jmgoyder

This metaphor perfectly describes Diamond’s position in the hierarchy of geese here.

To recap, Diamond and Woodroffe are our two Sebastopol geese. Here they are together. Diamond is on the left and Woody is on the right and has that distinguishing ‘freckle’ on his forehead.

This is what they looked like when we first got them. Woody was just a few days old, but Diamond was a couple of weeks old. Diamond is the one in the middle. (The goslings at the back and fore-front are Ola and Seli our Pilgrims.)

Well, due to the fact that Woodroffe was just a newborn, he and I imprinted on each other bigtime but Diamond was much more nervous so s/he and I didn’t establish the same sort of bond. So. lately, when Woody rushes up to me and Diamond stands back, I make more of an effort to give Diamond more attention. After all, I love them all equally!

Here is Diamond – elusive, enigmatic, enchanting. This post is for her, or him – I still don’t know!

A diamond in the rough.

Wings

6 Comments »
Feb 29

Last day of February, 2012

by jmgoyder

Wings

3 Comments »
Feb 29

Picture this

by jmgoyder

I have some pictures I would like to show you:

  • The two crows I saw tonight, flying silently across the skyline, briefly silhouetted against the cloudset
  • Son, without his brace, on his motorbike
  • The huge white cockatoo who perched on top of our sky-high television aerial this morning
  • Husband laughing
  • Baby chickens hatching
  • My mother’s wedding day portrait
  • My father’s great big comfortable shoes
  • Wantok’s tribe flying overhead haphazardly
  • Five dead mice
  • The duck eggs before the emus ate them
  • All of the birds that were killed by the fox
  • My good intentions
  • Son playing golf
  • Husband having a beer with me on the veranda
  • The toy harp I played when I was 5
  • My brothers hugging me
  • Joy
  • Husband laughing
  • The huge white cockatoo who perched on top of our sky-high television aerial this morning
  • Son, without his brace, on his motorbike
  • The two crows I saw tonight, flying silently across the skyline, briefly silhouetted against the cloudset

I have some pictures I would like to show you….

[Note: I am going to take a brief blogging break for next few days – back next Monday – I really need to find out what that thing in the ceiling is and do a bit of conflict resolution!]

Animal Wings

14 Comments »
Feb 29

There is a bird on my balcony

by jmgoyder

I have just remembered a rather strange coincidence. The first sentence I ever wrote of my PhD thesis was “There is a bird on my balcony.” At the time I was living in a tiny bedsit in Perth but I was lucky enough to have a balcony underneath a massive tree, so one particular bird would occasionally transit back and forth from the branches of this tree to my balcony. This bird seemed (to me) to have stories within itself – vast stories.

This sentence was soon deemed by my lovely, but rather formidable, supervisor as not being a good way of beginning an academic work. My thesis was about Alzheimer’s Disease and stories because, in working as a nurse in various nursing homes, I had discovered the joy of listening to stories told by people with dementia, no matter how fragmented. Long story short, my thesis passed and I rewrote it for publication as a book in 2001. That makes it nearly 12 years old now!

The bird-on-the-balcony sentence fell by the wayside but it still resonates with me and I remember it now with a nostalgic fondness for my own naivetee at the time and a big nod to the irony of now – in so many ways.

As I no longer have a balcony, I can’t post a photo of this wonderful bird; I don’t even know what kind of bird it was or what kind of tree it lived in. But I will never forget it.

The past is the past.

Wings

10 Comments »
Feb 28

‘This is your life’

by jmgoyder

A few final moonflowers popped up this morning, but I think they are now finished for the year. How would I know? I got it wrong before!

After a lengthy appointment this morning, to get Son’s post-surgery dressing changed by a nurse and his wound examined by our doctor, we went to visit Husband in the nursing lodge. Son was in his back brace and the pain had kicked in again so he took one of his pills before seeing Husband. I filled Husband in on the latest details about Son’s next few months of convalescence – the physiotherapy he would need, the fact that he isn’t allowed to lift even two kilos, his moody frustration and so on. Husband wanted to come home to help and I had to explain that this wouldn’t help, that it would make things harder as I would have two invalids to look after (yeah, sometimes my words don’t come out the way I intend them to).

Apparently Son will never be able to do this again:

Husband insisted on walking us out to the car even though he was quite wobbly. As we drove off, I saw him in the rear vision mirror, standing in parking lot, leaning on his walking stick looking so forlorn I wanted to reverse the car and rescue him, bring him home, but I couldn’t because by then Son’s pain was so bad he needed to lie down, so I had to rush home. I was crying (which Son says I do too much of) because I had forgotten to harden my heart.

Okay, so one of the things that has been said to me by my beautiful friends and family is this: “Soon you will get your life back. It will get better.” Now, whilst I agree with the latter, I don’t understand the former because this IS my life and Husband and Son ARE my life. Yes, I have my writing, the birds, my connection to the local university and many other joys, including this blog, and Husband and Son have never made me feel guilty for the time I spend writing. Bravo to them.

You know what I miss most? Sitting out on the front veranda with Husband and Son and chatting together every evening as the sun went down. We didn’t do this often enough in the recent months as Husband’s Parkinson’s disease got the better of him, but those conversations were the best! I don’t want a future without Husband here, but I know that he and I both have to adjust to that reality. And I don’t want a future without Son’s company but, once his spine is completely healed, he will inevitably leave to pursue his many dreams. Yeah, I know I’ve already posted this photo but this is the three of us back in 2009 when things were okay-ish.

Soon it will just be the birds and me.

This is my life and, despite the difficult, sad bits, every single micro-second with Husband and Son has been joy.

I don’t want any other life!

Animal Wings

20 Comments »
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