I realize that the title of this post sounds odd but sometimes, in my conversations with Anthony, it is as if I am talking to two people: 1. Anthony-familiar (Ants); and 2. Anthony-with-dementia (AD). Here is a rendition of today’s conversation in the nursing home.
Ants: When did you get here?
Me: Right this minute.
Ants: Where did you come from?
Me: Home.
AD: Ming and I got all of those calves rounded up and into the paddock in front of the house. They are all in good condition.
Me: Oh! When did you do this?
AD: Yesterday, after you left. We also fixed the fence.
Me: That’s fantastic – thank you.
AD: You don’t need to thank me – it’s my job.
Me: Yes, but it’s a relief to know all of the calves are okay and the fence is finally fixed. I was a bit worried.
AD: Ming is a good worker.
Me: Well you and Ming are a great team. It’s wonderful that you are teaching him how to do these things because I wouldn’t have a clue.
AD: We just need to fix up the other boundary fence now [trying to get up out of his chair]
Me: Well Ming isn’t here now so can we wait until tomorrow when you come home?
AD: Okay.
Ants: Bloody rotten about Ming’s back.
Me: Well your back isn’t the best but look how well you coped.
Ants: I think his is worse. He could have done anything if he didn’t have that back.
Me: We just have to accept it now, Ants – Ming has.
AD: I’m still going to need his help though, on the farm.
Me: Of course!
Ants: Tomorrow?
Me: Yes.
Tomorrow is Sunday so I will be picking Ants up around 10.30am to come home for the day, and Ming will take him back to the nursing home in the afternoon. Ants has requested smoked salmon and avocado sandwiches so that is easily done.
I would be lying if I said I am looking forward to tomorrow because, no matter how much I want Ants home, and no matter how much he will love being home, it is going to be an extremely difficult day for Ming and me. There will be a lot of lifting, toiletting, confusion, frustration, barely restrained angst (Ming), and barely restrained sorrow (me). By 3pm Anthony will begin to falter and by 4pm he will be unable to walk at all so I will have to get Ming to take him back to the nursing home at 3pm and Anthony will get upset.
On the other hand, perhaps I should just alter my thinking a bit. We will have four hours together, the sandwiches will be delicious and we will give Anthony a million hugs. In fact, I reckon the whole hug thing is underrated because, during today’s conversation, I decided to give Ants a hug every time it got a bit too confusing for me and his big/small arms around me were much more powerful than any words.
I will just have to tell Ming to go easy on his habit of hugging Anthony rather ferociously because it scares the hell out of Ants!
jmgoyder 