Yesterday, I was in Anthony’s room in the nursing lodge when a family member of his popped in to visit. To begin with, this family member and I were somewhat awkward with each other, which wasn’t helped by the fact that Anthony was having what Ming and I have always called ‘a wobbly’ where he can’t properly talk etc.
So I had to kind of ‘broker’ the conversation between the family member and Ants, which was so hard for me because, despite making myself willing to forgive several weeks ago, I still felt a residue of rage against this family member for having hurt Ants/us in the past.
But, as he went to leave, and shook Anthony’s hand, I suddenly, involuntarily, reached out my own hand to his and we exchanged a hand-shake. Clumsy words were exchanged but that doesn’t matter because that hand-shake meant that finally I have forgiven and can move forward now and, perhaps, the enmity might now be resolved.
Of course nothing is perfect but the fact that my hand-shake happened in front of Anthony is like a gift to both of us. Apart from Ming, this family member and I are probably Anthony’s favourite people historically – I don’t know. Many other family members and friends have made much more effort to visit or take Ants out etc. This particular guy is probably afraid, just as I am, that he is soon to lose someone he loves.
The hand-shake is a very useful gesture in situations of conflict, confusion, anxiety and despair – and happiness of course!
jmgoyder 