jmgoyder

wings and things

The hand-shake

on November 17, 2013

Yesterday, I was in Anthony’s room in the nursing lodge when a family member of his popped in to visit. To begin with, this family member and I were somewhat awkward with each other, which wasn’t helped by the fact that Anthony was having what Ming and I have always called ‘a wobbly’ where he can’t properly talk etc.

So I had to kind of ‘broker’ the conversation between the family member and Ants, which was so hard for me because, despite making myself willing to forgive several weeks ago, I still felt a residue of rage against this family member for having hurt Ants/us in the past.

But, as he went to leave, and shook Anthony’s hand, I suddenly, involuntarily, reached out my own hand to his and we exchanged a hand-shake. Clumsy words were exchanged but that doesn’t matter because that hand-shake meant that finally I have forgiven and can move forward now and, perhaps, the enmity might now be resolved.

Of course nothing is perfect but the fact that my hand-shake happened in front of Anthony is like a gift to both of us. Apart from Ming, this family member and I are probably Anthony’s favourite people historically – I don’t know. Many other family members and friends have made much more effort to visit or take Ants out etc. This particular guy is probably afraid, just as I am, that he is soon to lose someone he loves.

The hand-shake is a very useful gesture in situations of conflict, confusion, anxiety and despair – and happiness of course!


31 responses to “The hand-shake

  1. a bridge across the air gap…touch is good for us isn’t it

  2. As always your grace and openheartedness humble me, you are such a wonderful person Jules. 🙂

  3. You have a beautiful heart and are a shining example (over and over again) of forgiveness!
    xo

  4. Colline says:

    I am sure seeing that handshake left Anthony with a feeling of happiness.

  5. hard things are to be celebrated

  6. Terry says:

    I will keep that handshake in mind when I next cross paths with my own enemies!

  7. Lynda says:

    Somehow, I won’t go into detail here… I’m pretty certain I know EXACTLY how you felt at that moment. Glad you were able to transcend your feelings and shake hands. What a gift for Anthony!

    A (((O))) for you, Julie.

  8. Beautiful that you were able to recognize the good in this somewhat unlikable individual. I congratulate you. Well done.

  9. FlaHam says:

    Julie, Knowing you, I suspect you conveyed a ton with that simple handshake, and I am equally sure that Ants had a wonderfully warm internal smile when he witnessed it. Strength doesn’t always mean strong. You are a strong person. I am sure, that simple handshake was worth thousands and thousands of unsaid words. Please take care, BIll

  10. janechese says:

    good gesture, nice way to release the negative energy.

  11. WordsFallFromMyEyes says:

    The handshake is indeed important. I wonder who did it first, when. So curious, this human thing (monkeys don’t do it).

    A nice moment, Julie.

  12. A hand shake is a good start for you to truly start forgiving and moving forward.and it will mean a lot to Anthony.

  13. I’m glad for you that at least there is now contact between you…. and that’s likely enough for now… Diane

  14. what a beautiful moment, thanks for sharing it. you are such an incredible woman!

  15. This is a positive post Julie. Thank you.
    I am so glad that you handed whatever it was that was broken.

  16. bulldog says:

    It is actually rewarding to forgive and finally forget (or try to forget)..

  17. Actually what I meant to say was ‘I am glad that HEALED what was broken’
    (spell-checks are so unreliable!) 🙂

  18. tersiaburger says:

    What an amazing person you are!

  19. Judith Post says:

    The hand shake’s a first step. Glad you got to take it.

  20. Good for you! It’s great it just happened in the spur of the moment and you didn’t think ahead of time. Sometimes things work out OK.

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