jmgoyder

wings and things

Restful

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Sometimes I feel a bit guilty for being so totally relaxed and lazy in Anthony’s nursing home room. Okay so I did a bunch of paperwork there today but, for most of the afternoon, I just put my feet up on his knees and watched West Wing while he slumbered on and off.

I think this restfulness is good for both of us; he wakes up from a nap and almost always says, “Jules?” For me, it is good to be there because there must be many, many other times that he asks for me but I’ve gone home.

Most of the staff now know the white lie I want perpetuated – that ‘Julie will be back soon’ – and this seems to comfort Anthony (and me of course!)

This afternoon, as Anthony slumbered, I quietly packed up my things and put a pillow on the chair next to his, where I usually sit. He suddenly woke up and said:

Anthony: Where are you going, Jules?
Me: Just to get some groceries, Ants. I won’t be long.
Anthony: I am crazy.
Me: No, you are NOT crazy!
Anthony: I’m crazy about you.
Me: Oh … well, so you should be!

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I no longer think being restful is a lazy thing; it beats the hell out of anxiety, and it beats the hell into acceptance.

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