Sometimes I feel a bit guilty for being so totally relaxed and lazy in Anthony’s nursing home room. Okay so I did a bunch of paperwork there today but, for most of the afternoon, I just put my feet up on his knees and watched West Wing while he slumbered on and off.
I think this restfulness is good for both of us; he wakes up from a nap and almost always says, “Jules?” For me, it is good to be there because there must be many, many other times that he asks for me but I’ve gone home.
Most of the staff now know the white lie I want perpetuated – that ‘Julie will be back soon’ – and this seems to comfort Anthony (and me of course!)
This afternoon, as Anthony slumbered, I quietly packed up my things and put a pillow on the chair next to his, where I usually sit. He suddenly woke up and said:
Anthony: Where are you going, Jules?
Me: Just to get some groceries, Ants. I won’t be long.
Anthony: I am crazy.
Me: No, you are NOT crazy!
Anthony: I’m crazy about you.
Me: Oh … well, so you should be!
I no longer think being restful is a lazy thing; it beats the hell out of anxiety, and it beats the hell into acceptance.
jmgoyder 
You shouldnot feel a bit guilty as you are spending time with a man who loves you very much. Have a wonderful time with him today 🙂
Thanks for this reassurance.
Ah Julie this post could easily fit into your love story posts. ❤
Diana xo
I am still printing the whole blog out on my crappy printer so I can edit into possible book.
yes, yes, yes –
Never, ever, ever, think being restful is lazy, Julie 😀
Being restful is something that everyone should do at some time of their day. We live in a crazy world which turns madly around on its axis with no regard to a person’s state of mind or body. I believe we should all be kind to our stress levels and stop the world spinning every now & then, step off and luxuriate in blissful silence.
Good for the Mind, Body & Soul.
You are so right Vicki.
Excellent observation Jules 😀 hugs
Anxiousness drains every bit of energy that you have… so ‘restful’ is good! Diane
Being there is the most important thing in life.
The fact that you can be there AND feel relaxed too…that is an awesome benefit!!
:). What beautiful birds too!
Love the peacocks!
Love his response to his being crazy!!!! He is a good man!
Instead of “beating the hell into acceptance” you are blissfully holding onto the present. Anticipatory grief represents a dark cloud on the horizon but you have turned your face to the sunshine. No – laziness is a cruel statement. This is time that cannot be reclaimed and you have embraced everything about it. More people could benefit from seeing every day with the one they love as precious!
You are right.
I agree that ‘restful’ should never be thought of as being ‘lazy’.
Good on you for living that way.
I am all for relaxing especially so well illustrated by chilled out peafowl.
What a splendid final comment.
You shouldn’t feel guilty at all. You’re doing the most important thing in the world: being there for a loved one and your body probably needs the relaxation time after all you’ve been through!
Guilty schmilty. You need Anthony, Anthony needs you. So it works out PERFECTLY that you are with him! 😉 And thank him for making me laugh.
I will!
That it does my fiend, that it does
Restfulness is definitely a good thing. Lovely that you can enjoy it together with someone who is crazy about you.
that’s so sweetand the birds look lovely.
[…] I only have to answer to myself. If I have a ‘restful’ day, I no longer feel lazy. (Thanks to my blogging friend Julie for this insight). If I write a few letters or make a sandwich – I can count that as satisfactory achievements […]
Thank YOU!
Restfulness over anxiety: such a sound idea, and one we should all embrace.
🙂
Absolutely and I miss Godot seeing your beautiful white peacock. I love it when you are restful.. c