jmgoyder

wings and things

The gifts

Well I got my bangle! On our 23rd wedding anniversary a couple of days ago, I rushed in to the nursing home with my gift to Anthony of two bananas and asked him if I could have a silver bangle to add to my collection.

As he consumed the bananas, he looked at me quizzically and asked one of his daily questions: “How much money is in the bank?”

I gave him an inflated estimate and he said, “$3,000, but it has to be a two-door, not a four-door.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” I said.

“The Torana,” he said. [Long story – he used to have a Torana A9X which we unfortunately sold before it became a valuable collector’s item and recently our friend, D. had brought him some laminated photos of the vehicle + a couple of Torana magazines.]

“I’m not talking about a car!” I exclaimed, “I’m talking about a silver bangle!”

At the same time my mother arrived with anniversary presents for both of us – a beanie she’d knitted for Ants and a packet of my favourite cheese, Jarslberg, for me.

“Make sure you get a really good one,” Anthony said when he realised I was talking jewellery, not automobiles.

So my mother and I went downtown to the special jeweller’s whose shop I would visit once a year after Ants got so ill, Baroque, and I immediately fell in love with this!

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I asked the jeweller for a massive discount on the basis that my husband was in a nursing home and it was our 23rd wedding anniversary, and he naturally obliged. “Done!” I said much to my mother’s shock/horror/delight.

Then we went back to the nursing home, me with my new bangle on, to show Anthony who thoroughly approved of it and my delight and gratitude. After that I went around showing all staff and residents many of whom came into Anthony’s room to congratulate us both and to admire the bangle. It was such a buzz and Ants was thrilled. (The fact that I will have to sell all the old bangles to pay for the new one is beside the point – ha!)

It isn’t very easy anymore to get that whole exciting buzz thing happening with Ants, despite the fact that his ability to smile has come back. But the adrenaline of a bit of frivolous over-spending was just the sparkle we both needed.

One of the most beautiful things about Anthony is the joy he gets out of giving me something. Ming, on the other hand, was thoroughly disapproving of such extravagance!

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Wedding anniversary thoughts

In a couple of days it will be our 23rd wedding anniversary. Over the years, Anthony and I have been hopeless at remembering this and my mother usually reminds me! But, even after being reminded, Ants and I have never done the whole anniversary present thing, just as we have never bothered with the Valentine’s Day thing.

Our love story, in retrospect, is very romantic but we have both been a bit cringy about public displays of affection and have never adhered to expectations around both occasions. In fact, until now, we have never held hands in public. Perhaps, having hidden our romance for so long, when I was younger, and having had such a wonderful platonic relationship beforehand, our friendship didn’t require the usual trappings of romance.

I think that when a romantic relationship begins with a platonic friendship, it is easier to manage the ups and downs of a marriage. I can remember years ago Anthony suggesting that he might one day buy me an emerald ring and silly, young me hoping to get this on my 40th birthday. Instead, he bought me a wonderful lithograph that he had always wanted!

After Anthony experienced my dignified disappointment (“You just bought me something YOU wanted!”) he began buying me silver bangles every Christmas and birthday, picking them out himself during the years before he became too affected by Parkinson’s disease to drive into town. So he began to send me into town to pick whatever silver bangle I wanted, which I did, reluctantly to begin with and unhappy with the thought that I was romancing myself! I eventually quickly began buying my annual bangles at just above Anthony’s budget instructions. It was hilarious to watch his expression when I came home and said, “I’ve found one and I love it, but it’s a bit expensive!”

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Anthony (having always been extremely tight careful with money), would ponder the situation, look at the picture of the bangle, then at my greedy grin, and say, “Yes, okay, Jules.” These were gleeful moments, mischievous and hilarious and as solid as the silver in the bangles.

In light of our current circumstances – Anthony in the nursing home etc. I was tempted to just pretend the whole silver bangle ritual. After all, that’s what I did last Christmas and for my birthday in January. But then tonight I suddenly thought Ants will get a kick out of giving me a new bangle so tomorrow I am going to find one that is really unusual and take it in to get his approval.

Our romance began when I was 23 and now we have been married for 23 years, so I will get the chosen bangle engraved with 23 – yes!

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