If you have been following this blog you will already know that my husband, Anthony, is in a nursing home now due to advanced Parkinson’s disease and prostate cancer. He is 76. He is the best person I have ever met. He is my hero.
If you have been following this blog you will also know that our son, Ming, developed a severe scoliosis and had his spine fused surgically this year. He is 18. He is the best person I have ever met. He is my hero.
Ming doesn’t have his car licence yet due to the surgical interruption so he still needs me to drive him to music school etc.
Anthony takes an incredibly long time to answer that stupid phone.
I have two recurring nightmares: the first is of Anthony reneging on getting married; and the second is that he and Ming are in the ocean and I can only save one of them. Both nightmares never reach a resolution because I always wake up too soon.
If you have been following this blog you will know that I am very happy and very sad.
jmgoyder 
very emotional and heart tugging………..i am always here for you
You are a great friend Terry!
funny, odd, strange,,,,,,,,,i feel the same way about you………………i think u r great!!!!
I think it is a wonderful thing that you and I have connected via our PD experiences and also Jo and now Lucy – thank god for the internet!
i still have not heard anything from Lucy, so I can not see her page at all
You better ask Jo – she is clever than I am! In meantime I will try to figure it out.
Crappy nightmare. When my girls were little, I used to dream my car went off a bridge and underwater, and I could only rescue one of them. I could never decide, and we all drowned. But thankfully, only until I woke up.
What a horrible nightmare for you – glad you woke up! I wonder if this kind of thing is common.
Your life is such a ‘roller coaster’ ride, Julie.
I don’t know how you keep going at times.
I don’t know how YOU keep going, Victoria!
People process adversity in different ways. You do it with a simple grace. It seems almost wrong to intrude with comments. But I was very depressed this afternoon, thinking of various struggles (mostly trivial), and I read something that really inspired me. I thought I would share it with you. She’s boxing tomorrow. She’s very strong too.
http://moreintelligentlife.com/content/lifestyle/India's-shot-gold?page=full
What an inspiring woman! Thank you so much for this!
Beautiful and succinct.
Thank you!
that so sums up life
Yes!
Yet there are so many out here that love you…
Aw shucks! You are a very kind man.
It’s good of you to share with us, Julie. You’re not alone out there. Everyone has highs and lows in life, and blessings and curses. It’s good for each of us to know we can have support in dealing with the lows and camaraderie for sharing the highs.
A friend came over yesterday and I told her I felt a little cringily embarrassed about some of my posts because I didn’t want to seem self-indulgent and soppy and all that when so many people have so much worse stuff to deal with, but she said she found the posts helpful so then I felt okay about it all. I certainly didn’t know when I started writing about birds that it would develop into all this other stuff!
I jus love you julie — that’s all i can say re: this post xxoo
The feeling is mutual.
Love is the perfect tag for this post. So touching.
Thanks Lucy!
Those days when the happy outweighs the sad must be precious.
Very.
I like this post because it’s not black and white – just like real life. Having followed your blog for a while now, the details of your nightmares don’t come as a suprize. Have a great day Julie…oh I guess for you it’s night. 🙂
Day again now – thanks Diana!
Wonderful written ….. understand that hero can be a problem too *smile – so fare has it been a pleasure to be around you … for better and for worst day. Your an amazing person.
You are too!
I am very happy that you are happy 🙂
I am very sad that you are sad 😦
I am very glad that I have met you 😀
I am very smitten with your birds 😮
I am very much lost for words 😯
xo
R
You are a poet
And you didn’t know it!
I, Julie, am a NOET.
Definitely! You are a Not Only Entertaining Tiddlywink!
I love that! Oh Lord…my mind is going places with this…hmmmm. You have Tiddled my Wink Jules…now I must think…there just might be a Noem in there somewhere. 🙂
No need to overdo it – hehe!
point taken.
only kidding!
me too! 🙂
Sometimes I wonder how long those two emotions can co-exist without causing one to implode. You have lasted much longer than I think I could.
Not at all – there are much worse lives than mine!
As a follower of this blog I know that you are just like the rest of us,you have to deal with being both happy and sad and often both at the same time………
I am getting a bit too gutspilly – ha!
I’m thinking that if your nightmares do not share with you just how pulled apart in many directions you must feel than maybe I, as a friend, shall?
Yeah, I get it! You are a gem!
Your dream’s a perfect representation of what I’ve come to think of as the basic dynamic of life – the tension between longing and limits.
When we’re born, we’re all longing. We want to be fed, held, fed, fed… When we come to death, we’ve met the final limitation of life. There’s no way around it.
In the dream, your longing to rescue both comes up against that terrible limit – you only can rescue one. It’s a struggle everyone goes through, in one way or another. I see it in my own life, in a quite pedestrian way – I long for more time to write, but I’m limited by my need to work and make money.
It has put me in mind of a new post, though. When you read it, you’ll know which one it is. 😉
I am in suspense for your post!
And doing whatever you can to keep equilibrium, dealing with nightmares both dreamed and real. Not easy.
My heart always with you dear Julie…
And you know, I love you too. Actually you say they are both your hero, but you are the angel and hero for them too. Your beautiful soul and positivity brings so much life even to me too even into the words too… God Bless you dearest, be sure I am one of your friends here always, just I wished to be closer to you. Love, nia
Thanks my friend!
So much love, it hurts.
Yup.
What a nightmare! If it was me, I’d save my kid, but that’s my personal situation. And I know my husband would save himself before anyone else. One day when I was pregnant with my first, we had an earthquake that rattled the house pretty well. We were both upstairs and my husband just ran out of the house, leaving me inside to fend for myself. Nice, huh? It should have taught me something by then… So yes, I’d save my son!
I think I would too.
You are brave, strong, and a wonderful wife and mother. But perhaps you are trying too hard to take care of Anthony and Ming. Might I suggest something to ponder? Your husband is a mature man and ‘your hero’ and Ming is almost an adult, maturing rapidly every day and ‘your hero’ you are obviously trying to be ‘their hero’ in return. Maybe the best thing you can do for them and yourself is not to save either of them. They are both Heros in their own right and so are you, the ocean in your dreams represent your emotions (huge uncontrollable emotions) surrounding the current life situation with each man, maybe the answer is, let each man do what he must do for himself (and I know to you each one looks helpless in some way and they need others to assist them) but are you assisting them physically or trying to save them from the heartache of life (emotions), the heartache which you are suffering right now? The answer of which one to save may be not to save either, I’m sure Ming will save himself, he has excellent role models as parents, and Anthony on some level knows the outcome, the dream may be a message from your heart and subconcious to let them go and start finding a life for you separate from them (which is the most terrifying and emotionally painful circumstance you will ever face), I’m sorry if this seems cold, I don’t mean it to be, I’m hoping by planting the seeds here you’ll start to ponder and begin looking for beauty and light beyond the Ocean of Anthony and Ming. The light, beauty and joy that is your Divine right.
Wow Katrina – thank you! I have had to read your comment a couple of times to understand exactly what you are saying but I do ‘get it’ and lately have been feeling that I should get back to being whoever the hell I was before the sky fell in. Maybe, if I do the many things I really want to do but keep not doing because of Ants and Ming, it would be better for all of us. Oh thank you so much, you wonderful woman! Juliexxx
You are very welcome, I love you so much, I would love to meet in person some day, And by the way, the dream about being afraid Anthony won’t marry you (obviously he did) but it probably just you over feeling the gratitude of your life with him and being afraid you’ll wake up and it will have been a dream, no worries, honey, your marriage is very real.
You always make so much sense – thanks Katrina – loveya too! J
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