The trouble is I miss him the way he was, not the way he is now. It’s okay, I tell him this to his face and he understands because he misses himself too. My Anthony – just a couple of years ago.
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jmgoyder 
Of course you do. Gosh, I miss me twenty years ago! How did life suddenly find us here?
Dunno – let’s go back in time!
(hugs)
u2
…. now you made me … cry again! I’m sure he misses himself too …
Thanks for your moral support Viveka – means a lot!
Love the pictures, thank you for sharing them. My dad had Parkinson’s and only until you go through it with someone can you understand how dreadful it is. Thinking of you both.
It is such a dreadful disease, this Parkinson’s but one blessing for us is that Ants isn’t in much physical pain. I have met some bloggers who are in physical pain and, to me, this would be worse than anything.
Well you just melted my heart. Beautiful entry. Blessings to you both.
Thank you again!
Yes I think we all miss the old days some more than others… but if I read between the lines I can understand why you miss him from yesteryear… but look at those photos.. the smiles of two people in love.. feel for you and the years that you miss… but the memories can never be erased… Hugs to you.. and prayers for you both…
You are so right about the memories – thank you bulldog!
(((O)))!
Thx!
i know you miss him my dear friend. i even miss my brother, the one he used to be………..i am so thankful we have each other to hang on to
It’s so comforting to know you know that I know that you know what I mean!
that is why we are sisters in spirits
Definitely!
Oh Julie, I pray that you and Anthony get many more moments of ‘the way he was’ such as the smile he gave to his grand niece! Hugs. xo
Thanks Diana – I wish primary schools would take kids into nursing homes like they used to – oh well.
The two of you really have lived a beautiful love story.
Yes, in writing it, the memories are fantastic!
Glad to hear there’s not too much pain associated with Anthony’s Parkinsons. It hard enough to see the one you love deteriorate before your eyes.
Chronic pain is not easy to endure (unless you find something very powerful to distract you).
If he were in physical pain too it would become totally unbearable.
I completely understand and I to miss the “former” days…..Hugs.
Thanks Sis!
I know … how could you not miss the real Anthony who is really still there but gets lost within this awful disease. I am thankful too that he is not suffering physical severe pain Julie…though I know this does not make it much easier to cope with this whole thing. I think emotional and physical pain have some different, and also some similar impact on lives…. loss is just so hard any way you look at it. xxoo love to you and yours ~ Robyn
Emotional pain is nothing compared to physical pain in your situation – oh Robyn
I wish I could give both of you a big hug!
A Wonderbutt hug?
The slow mourning is the hard part. You say it so well. Living so many years with someone who slowly changed from what they were to the ghost of a Parkinson’s patient is one of the cruelest things I ever had to endure. And what Anthony said was exactly what I have heard from other people, not just Parkinson’s, but those who have been robbed of their strength, their youth, and their mobility…. I miss who I once was and what I could once do. It is hard to not miss what once was when it made you so happy. Pictures help remember the wonderful days of yore I think.
Thank you for understanding this slow mourning – you really know what I mean.
I understand what you mean; I already miss the part of me that could go running down the street, who didn’t have to plan around the damn medicine schedule…. and I’m sure he misses the old me in a lot of ways, too.
The timing of the meds is such a pain isn’t it! You are a hero.
I do not know how I would cope if I was in your possition, my husband is such a huge part of my life…………..
I’m getting better at it. I hadn’t seen him for 2 days before today and it was like this amazing reunion – but lots of laughter (on my part) and no tears.
I hate this disease. It doesn’t make sense to me. But then, I guess, what disease does?
Exactly!
I don’t think there are any worse diseases than those that rob you of your personality and person! Parkinson’s is as bad or worse than Alzheimer’s but with less exposure. If any disease could use better medication, it’s Parkinson’s.
I know – the meds have been a nightmare to get ‘right’ but they are never right anyway. I guess they are better than nothing. He is on the way to being bedridden – argh.
I know nothing I can say will change things, but I send you hugs.
Means a lot – thanks!
Life really sucks at times.
I too have watched a loved one change through an illness and cared for them over a long period – 12 years. It is a complicated grief process one goes through, as inwardly you are grieving for the former person, yet outwardly adjusting to and caring for the new person. The inward grief can be silent and lonely. I hope that by your blogging you are able to acknowledge your grief and find some comfort. Keep strong….
12 years is a long time – don’t know how you did it.