It is happening more and more often now – this evening phonecall from Anthony to tell me he is lost and asking me when I am coming to find him and bring him home.
Obviously it isn’t Ants who rings me because he has forgotten how so I usually speak to him and then to the nurse looking after him and then to him again.
It always ends up okay for him because I manage to reassure him and then the nurse reassures me too.
Usually I am okay because I know now that Ants’ evening confusion is pretty regular, and the staff are wonderful to ring me on his behalf.
But tonight, after reassuring Ants that I would see him tomorrow and him saying, “Okay, my beautiful girl”, I hung the phone up and my knees buckled.
I got up and went outside to feed the birds and they surrounded me while I threw bread, distributed wheat, and sobbed for my lost husband.
jmgoyder 
Uncaring company is sometimes the best for those moments of bleakness.
Yes
Beautiful girl…lovely. (((hugs)))
I was a bit down after that phonecall – sorry and thank you!
understandable Julie. xo
Argh!
I’m so sorry to hear that Anthony’s confusion is getting worse – so distressing for you (& him of course).
Thank goodness you’ve got the Gang’s feathered shoulders to ‘cry on’ – birds (& animals) are such a comfort in times of distress.
Sending Big Cyber Hugs
Vicki
xox
Thank you so much Vicki – it was a good day until the phonecall.
Oh, I am so sorry for you. My eyes immediately teared up at the end of your story. My heart aches for you. I don’t know if you are a particularly religious or spiritual person, but I prayed for you at mass on Sunday, and I will continue to do so. I will pray for your whole family.
Thank you so much!
(hugs)
THX
What can one say… at least the birds were there for you… it must be difficult .. specially when you are so far and can’t pop in by Ant when you need him… hugs to you…
You are kind.
You are also one of a kind!
I am so sorry my dear friend, so sorry
Sorry, Terry – probably bad timing in terms of what you are going through but argh!
gives me something else to think about, don’t worry!!!
don’t worry, it gives me something else to think about
Oh gosh Julie ~ I am thinking of you always… and hope this somehow gets easier for you sweet friend… xo Robyn
Yeah, can’t stop crying and keep hiding this from Ming. I guess Anthony’s confused voice on phone tonight was my undoing.
Anyway, how is it going for you? Tell me here or email me please!
So sad for you. My grandma had Alzheimer’s and I know how difficult things were with her. I cannot really imagine if it were my husband with such a similar terrible disease. My heart goes out to you. Saying a prayer for your strength and comfort.
~FringeGirl
You hit the nail on the head there with this comment and I am so grateful for your understanding. It would be more ‘acceptable’ or ‘normal’ if he were my dad or grandfather or uncle or great auntie etc.
So many just don’t get it that he is my husband – my husband and that is a totally different dynamic. Thanks FringeGirl!
How bittersweet and what a tender, yet sad moment for you. Thank you for sharing this piece of your love for one another.
Just checked your blog out. Thanks for this lovely comment.
Why thank you. My blog is dusty at the moment because I am tending to my dad who has been in the hospital/nursing home since early September and my mom who has Alzheimer’s (or some other form of dementia). Your story hit home for me.
I hope to be back to a regular blogging schedule soon. Take care of yourself.
You sound more than busy – so sorry about your situation. I look forward to seeing you soon in this blogosphere world!
And I look forward to being back. When I started blogging, I never thought I would miss it when I couldn’t.
I know what you mean!
Oh! How heartbreaking! I’m so sorry. I went through that for a bit with my husband. It is so difficult. I send you warm thoughts and hugs. BE well, dear one.
Thank you so much and I am so sorry you went through this ghastliness!
Sending prayers your way sweet soul.
Thank you so much.
Aw, Julie. So sorry.
Awwww! That must be terrifically hard on you. Sending you lots of (((cyber hugs.)))
Hugs, Julie. Life is so hard sometimes.
i am sharing your tears.
NOthing to say, but wish I was there to give you a hug. Take care of yourself.
♥
So sorry. It hurts, I know.
It must be so bloody hard to lose the love of your life but still have him alive but often so confussed he doesn’t know where he is at least he still knows who you are……………
Thank goodness he is mostly lucid during the daytime.
So glad he can still say those beautiful words to you, but oh, so heart-wrenching.
Julie, he are not lost …. for you! He are very present and you’re so present to him – and even if he are not there in person and not the man you’re used to – he are there … all the time.
I know but it’s hard – thanks my friend.
I understand that, Julie!
I know you do.
It is a long bereavement you are experiencing. So sad for you.
My screen is going all blurry on me again…
xo,
~Lynda+
Oh, Julie, I’m so sorry.