wings and things

Love story 113 – When a phonecall brings you to your knees

on November 7, 2012

It is happening more and more often now – this evening phonecall from Anthony to tell me he is lost and asking me when I am coming to find him and bring him home.

Obviously it isn’t Ants who rings me because he has forgotten how so I usually speak to him and then to the nurse looking after him and then to him again.

It always ends up okay for him because I manage to reassure him and then the nurse reassures me too.

Usually I am okay because I know now that Ants’ evening confusion is pretty regular, and the staff are wonderful to ring me on his behalf.

But tonight, after reassuring Ants that I would see him tomorrow and him saying, “Okay, my beautiful girl”, I hung the phone up and my knees buckled.

I got up and went outside to feed the birds and  they surrounded me while I threw bread, distributed wheat, and sobbed for my lost husband.

50 responses to “Love story 113 – When a phonecall brings you to your knees

  1. Uncaring company is sometimes the best for those moments of bleakness.

  2. Beautiful girl…lovely. (((hugs)))

  3. victoriaaphotography says:

    I’m so sorry to hear that Anthony’s confusion is getting worse – so distressing for you (& him of course).
    Thank goodness you’ve got the Gang’s feathered shoulders to ‘cry on’ – birds (& animals) are such a comfort in times of distress.
    Sending Big Cyber Hugs

  4. Gardengirl says:

    Oh, I am so sorry for you. My eyes immediately teared up at the end of your story. My heart aches for you. I don’t know if you are a particularly religious or spiritual person, but I prayed for you at mass on Sunday, and I will continue to do so. I will pray for your whole family.

  5. bulldogsturf says:

    What can one say… at least the birds were there for you… it must be difficult .. specially when you are so far and can’t pop in by Ant when you need him… hugs to you…

  6. terry1954 says:

    I am so sorry my dear friend, so sorry

  7. Robyn Lee says:

    Oh gosh Julie ~ I am thinking of you always… and hope this somehow gets easier for you sweet friend… xo Robyn

    • jmgoyder says:

      Yeah, can’t stop crying and keep hiding this from Ming. I guess Anthony’s confused voice on phone tonight was my undoing.

      Anyway, how is it going for you? Tell me here or email me please!

  8. FringeGirl says:

    So sad for you. My grandma had Alzheimer’s and I know how difficult things were with her. I cannot really imagine if it were my husband with such a similar terrible disease. My heart goes out to you. Saying a prayer for your strength and comfort.


    • jmgoyder says:

      You hit the nail on the head there with this comment and I am so grateful for your understanding. It would be more ‘acceptable’ or ‘normal’ if he were my dad or grandfather or uncle or great auntie etc.
      So many just don’t get it that he is my husband – my husband and that is a totally different dynamic. Thanks FringeGirl!

  9. robincoyle says:

    How bittersweet and what a tender, yet sad moment for you. Thank you for sharing this piece of your love for one another.

  10. oldsunbird says:

    Oh! How heartbreaking! I’m so sorry. I went through that for a bit with my husband. It is so difficult. I send you warm thoughts and hugs. BE well, dear one.

  11. Sending prayers your way sweet soul.

  12. susielindau says:

    Awwww! That must be terrifically hard on you. Sending you lots of (((cyber hugs.)))

  13. Hugs, Julie. Life is so hard sometimes.

  14. sbcallahan says:

    i am sharing your tears.

  15. NOthing to say, but wish I was there to give you a hug. Take care of yourself.

  16. Judith Post says:

    So sorry. It hurts, I know.

  17. It must be so bloody hard to lose the love of your life but still have him alive but often so confussed he doesn’t know where he is at least he still knows who you are……………

  18. janechese says:

    So glad he can still say those beautiful words to you, but oh, so heart-wrenching.

  19. viveka says:

    Julie, he are not lost …. for you! He are very present and you’re so present to him – and even if he are not there in person and not the man you’re used to – he are there … all the time.

  20. It is a long bereavement you are experiencing. So sad for you.

  21. pixilated2 says:

    My screen is going all blurry on me again…

  22. Fergiemoto says:

    Oh, Julie, I’m so sorry.

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