wings and things


on November 18, 2012

Who is God?

Is God a she or a he or an  it?

What religion does God subscribe to?

Maybe God has become an atheist?

Why does God help some but not others?

Where does God go when your soul is severed?

Where does God go when the children suffer?

I want God so much.

I see, hear and touch God in the dewdrops, the birdsongs, the kiss of breeze, and my son’s laughter.

But that isn’t enough because the dew dries, the birds go silent, the breeze turns into a dusty wind, and my son’s laughter dies on the cusp of a punch-line I wasn’t quick enough for.

Who is God?

Why does God let us win at chess but lose at checkers?

I don’t understand what is going on.

The God I was brought up to believe in was a loving God, but that doesn’t make sense any more.

Yes, yes, yes, I know – it is all our fault, we poor stupid humans – we definitely stuffed up bigtime.

So why didn’t God rescue us from our follies?

Why didn’t God stop it all and begin again?

Who is God?

Where is God?

What is God?


I love you, God.

27 responses to “God

  1. Julie, I believe we have a beginning and an end designed by God. I believe the time between are lessons and experiences that we as souls must go through for our next life whether that means the afterlife in heaven or a reincarnated life. We have free will and can pick our path while on earth but we all surcome to the planned end. I believe God is with you. He is carrying you through this time. Anthony’s road is not without God either. We truly don’t know what lies beyond but God would never put us here or let us go through bad things without a purpose. What you are going through will be used too. Don’t lose your faith! We don’t know what is in store for us but know this. You are not without God EVER. He holds you all every night. Love you girl

  2. terry1954 says:

    that was so moving to me, as I have questioned this God that does help the ones who need help, but it seemed like he was not there for Al. I have heard all the reasons as to why God was or wasn’t helping, but all I could see was that Al was and is still suffering from PD and is now no longer living here with me, due to lack of help and understanding on my part

  3. This made me cry. Asking questions like this is a great thing to do. Your answers may or may not come but your ability to be authentic and real is a gift, both for you and for your readers. Oh and FYI He/She loves you too.

  4. viveka says:

    Julie, I can’t understand all your questions .. ask myself nearly every day – and he hasn’t convict me yet that he excite, so … I carry on believing in what I do. Julie, I don’t think it’s down to God that your situation is like it’s today – and it’s not God that has made Antony sick. That’s just life in itself. So happy for you that you have your faith – that gives you strength to carry on.

  5. Julie–this is beautiful, and so very true. Important questions I certainly have no answers for.

  6. FringeGirl says:

    The Bible says that those who seek Him shall find Him. Prayers for you on this journey to find God, to know truth, and to understand what this life is about. In my opinion, the Bible, God’s word, is a good place to begin finding him.

  7. tersiaburger says:

    Julie your words tore at my heart. I have cried these words so many times in my recent life. I don’t see a God of mercy. I crave the peace I had a couple of years ago before things went so wrong, so wrong….. Tonight I have no words of encouragement for you. So sorry.

  8. Oh Jules.. My God, He, She, it, the universe is not for me to say for you. I do know what you are saying. I have asked myself the same thing. In a time when it feels like there is no one, Please find turning toward your heart’s footprints left by those who love you can soften the feelings of despair. Be kind to yourself.
    I wish I had a boxed answer for you more than I wish and pray for anything today.
    Sending healing gentle hugs Jules and for what it is worth you have never been left alone. We just cannot always see this for the pain is too deep. But I know as sure as i am sitting here you are not walking alone.

  9. janechese says:

    Good questions, Julie. I am saying a prayer for you.

  10. Judith Post says:

    Glad you don’t hang on to empty platitudes when you suffer. I have a bumpy relationship with God and have been known to shake my fists at the heavens, but after all that’s happened, He’s still a major part of my life. Not sure what that means. I have more questions than answers, but He shapes me somehow. Hang in there.

  11. Robyn Lee says:

    Julie this was beautiful – profound. Felt it all — and ask the same questions ~ have for a very long time…. I wish I had answers … maybe one day… Hope all goes well with the surgery …let me know – you are in my heart dearest beloved friend. xxoo

  12. poignant-how many times I have asked these questions – yet despite it all still believe

  13. eof737 says:

    This is raw and honest and beautiful… and I love how you ended it. I find my experience of God is very personal and as far as I remember, God has been an important presence in my life; through good, great, bad and ugly. I love God too. TY!

  14. bulldogsturf says:

    Julie it is natural to ask the questions you have… we all go through the bad times at some stage feeling abandoned by our faith from which we expect aid… God I’ve been there, as I think so has everyone else.. it is natural to question the reasons why one goes through so much torture and unfairness…. yet somehow we all seem to come out at the other end…. whether for better or worst…
    I used to shout out the questions when I saw Linda suffering through her Chemo treatments.. I queried why she had to suffer, I’d been the bastard, the alcoholic, the bigot… why then should God be punishing her and not me… was he really there, was he punishing me this way by making someone I love suffer ?? Questions I never got answers too I’m afraid… yet Linda’s faith remained strong through it all, through all three cancers, never once asking God why….
    My faith became stronger because of her unquestioning faith… she does not have the answers to my questions either, in fact no Priest has been able to give me answers that have satisfied me… but my knowledge that I will one day be able to ask him the questions direct helps…
    I have asked LInda how she can feel the way she does, her answer…”When I got the news of my first cancer, (remember she has had three different cancers) I went to the bedroom, as I entered I felt God put his arms around me, and he told me not to worry he was by my side the whole way through, and he has been there holding my hand all the way.” Now I can’t dispute that, and LInda through all subsequent other battles with rare diseases and her other two cancers has been the strong one…with a smile on her face… hell I even remember her comforting a friend who had phone to say how sorry the cancer had come back… Linda had the cancer but had to comfort the healthy… I will never forget her strength through thick and thin… and behind her back, where she could not witness it, my weakness…
    While she lay in the hospital with pipes coming out of every orifice, I was the one at home who refused to switch the light off at night… because the dark seemed to bring the dread, the bad thoughts, the in ability to reason and naturally the lack of sleep…
    Some how we all come through the questioning, with some kind of answers that seem to satisfy us… does it always make us feel better? No, not always, but let me add Julie that I will say special prayers for you… that you may find comfort in all that seems to be going wrong with all the plans you had for your life… I hope that he will bless you and Ant in some way that you can see that he is there and with you, he will never reveal his reasoning for what is happening in your life, but sufficed it to say I reckon he’s there with you, Julie you have been strong through most of your and Ants trials, don’t give up now…. you are entitled to feel hard done by, anger and all the other emotions that go with what you’re going through… what you don’t need is neighbors complaining about peacocks and hens sitting on their roof shitting in their drinking water… so ignore all those happenings, feel free to cry and laugh, and try to live with the circumstances that you have been dealt… and then Pray… that one day all your questions shall receive answers and in the mean time if he would just be good enough to give you and Ant comfort… Hugs Julie… I’ll be praying for you….

    • jmgoyder says:

      What an amazing comment in so many ways. Your Linda is definitely a one-off and you’re not bad yourself! Seriously, though, bulldog, I really appreciate this.

  15. Aly says:

    Keep praying. Keep seeking.

  16. This was great yes raw and honest and so touching at the same time, God is wonderful but all of us wonder at times why he lets bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people……….

  17. elizabeth says:

    Love your honesty Julie. Some folk are so afraid the sky will fall if they question God. As we know, it won’t. 🙂

    One day at a time my friend until that morning when the sky shall roll back like a scroll. ((hugs))

  18. Anonymous says:

    All your questions I was brought up hearing from my partially paraplegic father,a doctor and his main concern was “why does God allow innocent children to suffer? If he could help or prevent suffering why doesn’t he, is it because he is actually the incarnation of evil, or is he not all powerful, so cannot actually prevent suffering. If so, the why worship him. The final question was,” if he is all knowing, why did he design such a mess in the first place, and then blame us for reacting according to his design”
    So many basic questions with which we grapple through all the trials of life, there are no answers basically because so many of the questions are paradodoxical. Remember a paradox by definition cannot have an answer and yet our whole faith system, we people of the book, is built up on answers to these basic questions about the meaning of life, and then in our arrogance we persecute those who question our solutions.
    How to move forward?
    I spent the early part of my life as an atheist as I could find no rational answer to the Christian Faith system as presented. Then in a precious moment soon after we arrived from Africa, the actuality of Love in the Greek sense which provides four facets, broke into my consciousness and I began to define God in that manner.
    Then I realised that life as we experience it has a beginning and an end, and is defined by birth and growth and finally we return in the human sense to the chemistry of our universe. I have come to believe that what we as human beings do, is to persist in defining God in our own image and therefor full of paradoxes. Hence all your questions about the process of life which we believed is controlled by God in a physical sense, is actually not able to be controlled by the God, defined as “love” which is and emotion that has consequences which we are responsible for and can influence and actualise.
    Our basic image of God needs to be redefined in the subjective sense as an emotion always present in our relationships, your love for Anthony and the agony you feel at his illness. That is where God resides, I believe,ever present and never departs.
    God bless

  19. Religion is man-made; my guess is that God’s not keen on religion at all.

  20. I think we have all asked these same questions in our weariness and dark days of life. I know I certainly have. But I must still believe. Beautiful words, friend….♥

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