wings and things

Doing ‘the right thing’ dilemmas

on February 3, 2013

I was brought up well-versed in the art of turning the other cheek and, in principle, this is a rather useful art.

However, I think there comes a point where your cheeks become too raw and swollen and you know you have to stop the hands that keep slapping you.

When Anthony and I announced our engagement, nearly 20 years ago, it was met with various kinds of shock. We knew there might be shock; after all, he was a bachelor in his late 50s and I had just entered my 30s.

Almost without exception, our friends and family expressed delighted shock, but there were two people who didn’t and, even at our wedding, would not speak to us. Ants and I didn’t care at the time because we were on a newlywed high!

But, once the honeymoon was over, I had to learn, in increments, how to deal with these two people. Their bullying behaviour astounded me! It went on and on, year after year, even when Ants became so ill.

But it’s Anthony’s birthday party tomorrow and, as always, he said, “Do the right thing, Jules.”

So I made the phonecall and invited them. Just doing the right thing – ha!

78 responses to “Doing ‘the right thing’ dilemmas

  1. If I remember correctly, it sounds like you turn the other cheek once! I hope the partyis wonderful. Julie, I don’t remember how I fell into your blog, but was just thinking that I am so glad I did! You enrich my life just by being in it.

  2. sometimes doing the right thing tastes bitter

  3. You are who you are and that’s why people love you, especially Anthony. It takes a special kind of person who can extend the olive branch despite being shut down so often. You are indeed an exceptional person.:)

  4. FlaHam says:

    Julie, Since the moment I read that 1st post, I knew you were into “doing the right thing,” and I am continually gradified that you always find ways to do the right thing, wheither its Ming or Arts or family. Yes the time may come when it isn’t, but even then I suspect you will do what is right. Take care, Bill

  5. Rhonda says:

    Just bear these 2 things in mind my friend….cake and hanging picture. πŸ˜‰ no guff from those 2…ever again. the next cheeks turning will be theirs…red…and NOT on their faces! xoxo

  6. I’m sure you’ll have fun once the panic subsides.

  7. There you go again, inspiring me to do the right thing too!

    And btw – a perfect antidote for those comments you’d rather not hear is… Thank you for caring enough to share.


    And walk away. πŸ™‚

  8. catchatcaren says:

    In my opinion if people can’t accept one’s wedding and are dreadfully against it, they have no business showing up

  9. tootlepedal says:

    Good luck if they come

  10. lucewriter says:

    Good for you, but one of them says anything out of line, show him/her the door!

  11. dogdaz says:

    Such a fine line sometimes. I can tell you will always be nice, when you can.

  12. WordsFallFromMyEyes says:

    You invited them to your wedding, and they did not have the respect to come up and congratulate you. They do NOT deserve to be at the party.

    Sometimes, truly, doing the ‘right’ thing is doing the WRONG thing. Believe me.

  13. I do not get people acting like that as long as you and Anthony are happy then your family and friends should be happy for you……………

  14. dodsy says:

    Oh dear, its their problem not yours! Have an awesome time!!! πŸ™‚ And congratulate yourself for being gracious to them for Ants!! Now forget about them, and go have a lovely lovely day !!! πŸ™‚
    We can only please some, part of the time, others all the time, and idiots…none of the time! Lol
    Something like that, does it matter….you are pleasing the one you LOVE!! ❀

  15. victoriaaphotography says:

    GOSH, Julie, no wonder people love you – you even tolerate the intolerable.

    You and Anthony have great generosity and big hearts.

  16. Susan says:

    Don’t water the weeds! Be gracious but spend your time with true friends. Enjoy! Hope we get pics!

  17. sbcallahan says:

    interesting, i thought doing the right thing in this case would be to have as much fun and make as much noise without inviting those who obviously do not want to share in your joy.

  18. I hope your party goes well – and whether or not the two people respond, you did your part.

  19. yellowlancer says:

    A good friend once told me “no matter what ‘they’ do or say, never let them change who you are”. You are such a good person, and even after twenty years of nonsense on their part you are still wonderful you. Have a wonderful party!

  20. bulldog says:

    Hope the party was a success.. and I hope you didn’t turn the other cheek again.. I believe one should turn the other cheek for peace.. but when it gets slapped more than once, then I believe what my father taught me… slap back twice as hard.. bullies run from this.. as do verbal abusers..

  21. bluebee says:

    People are quite odd – who would come to a wedding and then refuse to speak to the bride and groom?!

  22. artsifrtsy says:

    I hope you have a great party – people like that don’t matter. You took the high road.

  23. diannegray says:

    Well done for inviting them. If they don’t want to come, it’s their loss not yours. At least you know you’ve done the right thing πŸ˜‰

  24. Mandy Charleston says:

    Get over it Julie!!! Life comes and goes very quickely!!! If you waste all your energy on feeling resentment towards Mum and Dad your life will be miserable!

    Get on with living your life and think of all the great things you have in your life like your son!!!!!!!!!!!!


    • jmgoyder says:

      Oh Mandy, I am definitely over it – no resentment. Instead a great sense of relief that my relationship with them is over. Unfortunately Ants isn’t over it, and fluctuates between wanting to see more of your dad and thinking your dad is trying to take over Anthony’s farm, and I keep having to reassure him. Julie

  25. viveka says:

    Julie, you did the right thing … you followed you heart and I hope that the party will go well. I take my hat of for you … *smile – what happen to the that old girlfriend … that was coming to visit – have I missed the feedback on that .. event ????

  26. adinparadise says:

    β€œAn eye for an eye, and the whole world would be blind.”
    ― Kahlil Gibran

  27. Monica says:

    Grace under pressure must be your middle name, Julie. Oh Pettiness, thy name is – or can be – family. Can’t get away from family. My mantra is “Be kind, friendly, and cheerful.” I succeed intermittently, whereas you seem to succeed always. I admire you a whole bunch.

  28. tersiaburger says:

    Always the lady… well done. Nastiness seems to run in the family.

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