wings and things

From heart to heart: The Dr. Says

on November 2, 2013

I have made many friends in the blogosphere, one of whom is Sandra Callahan. She is wise and funny and positive and she and I share some very similar experiences. We have supported each other through many ups and downs and yesterday she made a comment on my post that compelled me to rethink yesterday’s doctor’s appointment with Anthony during which he described his dreadful terror the night before as ‘a bit of fun’. Sandra said, ‘He must have been embarrassed by his behavior. I cannot imagine how scary it must be when he doesn’t recognize people and they are trying to force him to do things he doesn’t understand.’

Sandra’s comment made me realize that Anthony’s bravado with the doctor was to cover his embarrassment and, even though I was aware of this at the time, it didn’t really hit me until I read Sandra’s wise words. Of course he was embarrassed – to be confused, to have been terrified of nurses, to have possibly made a fool of himself, and to have worried me so much. Anthony’s ‘bit of fun’ was his way of covering up his embarrassment and I understand that much better today than I did yesterday thanks to Sandra. She has once again helped to sharpen my sense of perception with her amazing empathy.

Our hearts have a lot in common except for one fundamental thing: mine is still beating loud and clear and Sandra’s is failing. She has congestive heart failure and is dying. But she is also living to the utmost, encouraging people like me and talking honestly about dying. Her book is now available and here is the link.

From my heart to your heart, Sandra.

24 responses to “From heart to heart: The Dr. Says

  1. Rhonda says:

    You are both blessed to have found each other…xo

  2. oh jules i am so much better today:) seriously we have been so blessed in this friendship. i am honored that my words helped in understanding another way of looking at the event with anthony. i send love from my heart to yours

  3. Reblogged this on the dr. says and commented:
    i wanted to reblog this as a reminder that we sometimes forget there is another way to look at or interpret an event or someone’s behavior. when we can put ourselves in someone else’s shoes we often see things in another light. julie takes great care to understand her husband’s behavior and he loves her with a love that is rare and true.
    from my heart to your heart julie….

  4. Such beautiful and wise words. A reminder to us all to look at all aspects of a situation.

  5. FlaHam says:

    Julie, You both are so so lucky to have found each other (kinda like you and me), and have a set of values and warm that allows you both to be so good to each other. I will see if i can get her book at B&N, and give it a read. Please take care, Bill

  6. ksbeth says:

    it is so wonderful the connections we make

  7. Lynda says:

    I’m glad that in the infinite sea of Blogosphere that you two managed to find each other, Julie.

  8. janeslog says:

    Very sorry about Sandra. Very sad about her condition. Hope she is not suffering too much.

    Anthony should not worry about his behaviour. When I was young I used to play in a large psychiatric hospital in Hartwood in Shotts in Lanarkshire as my uncle was a doctor there and we visited frequently. The hospital is no longer there.

    I got used to seeing people behave in unusual ways and nobody really thought anything of it. Believe me, people don’t really bother with strange behaviour so Anthony should not be embarrased by it. As far as i’m concerned, people can behave in any way they want so long as it is not harmful to other people.

  9. A blessed friendship that runs deep. Thank you so much for this post.

  10. I’m glad you and Sandra have each other. ❤

  11. I am so glad that you found Sandra, isn’t the whole concept of the word perspective amazing? One slight difference can change a lot about how we see things or the very opposite, when we share the same, we can have lasting friendships. I think that Sandra is a very brave person sharing her experience with her health with others just like you by sharing your personal experiences with us. 🙂

  12. A beautiful friendship borne out of heartache. The best sort of friends. You are both lucky to have found such comfort in each others’ words. (And I have learned from both of you.)

  13. tootlepedal says:

    I admire your capacity to listen to other people’s experience when yours must be so all encompassing.

  14. Terry says:

    I have read her book, it is awesome, excellent and real. I love her to death, she is just so nice. I understand what she is saying, I didn’t see it that way at first, but now I do

  15. Judith Post says:

    What an amazing thing that special, wonderful people have enough distance to lend us perspective, and they’re generous enough to do it. Sandra must be one of those people. We’re blessed when we meet them.

  16. tersiaburger says:

    I am a great fan of Sandra’s. Her book is amazing. She is such a kind and caring person. I encourage everyone to read her book.

  17. Such wise words from Sandra, I should had thought of that myself.

  18. I have been thinking of volunteering at our hospice. Training required, but this will give me a look at some of what I will be dealing with. Thank you.

  19. dcwisdom says:

    Catching up with you tonight. Life’s been a little crazy here like yours is there, dear Julie. Did I ever tell you that I hate PD? Dad did the same things. I wished over and over I knew what was happening in his brain to make him do things that were completely out of character for him. I suppose Sandra’s reflection is a possibility of what could be happening, but will we ever know? Such a puzzling disease! Sending you big Texas love across the waves…XO

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: