wings and things


on September 25, 2014

Today I spoke to a fairly new resident in Anthony’s nursing home, Meri. She is in a motorized wheelchair with stroke-like symptoms, but is totally lucid. On her first day, I could see a mixture of grief and determination in her expression when I just said hello. Today she told me that she is adapting but her husband keeps ringing her and telling her that he feels lonely and abandoned.

I couldn’t quite compute this until I realized that it must have been Meri’s decision to go into the nursing home in order to save her husband from the burden of care. I told her that for the first year of our own nursing home experience, Anthony and I had a continuous dialogue, sometimes painful, sometimes gentle, until we both accepted the situation.

Meri and I are going to be good friends, I hope. We have a lot in common in opposite ways.

[PS. all names are always altered for privacy]

13 responses to “Opposites

  1. bulldog says:

    She will enjoy you as a friend.. tell her I say Sterkte…

  2. What a gift you must be in her journey! Wow.

  3. Terry says:

    That has to be so hard when a couple are separated by a nursing home. For elderly that enter a facility, the one remaining behind at home is scared, knows the partner will most likely not comb back home and fears his own death. So sad after many years of being together

  4. How wonderful it is when someone embarks on a new journey to have the calming support of someone who’s been there. You’re a good woman Julie. ❤
    Diana xo

  5. I have a really good feeling that you and she will come to be very good friends. 🙂

  6. susanpoozan says:

    I am sure she will be delighted to have you as a friend.

  7. It is such a difficult process either making a decision for a loved one or for oneself. When we realize there is really no other option… it has to be, but the old adage.. ‘putting a loved one there’ is so hard to accept. Hopefully Meri and her husband will be able to settle in as you and Anthony have… Diane

  8. sunsetdragon says:

    Very cool that you two found each other on this journey you have started sharing together.

  9. i am so glad the two of you are going to be friends. i can relate to meri and her choice. this has raised some issues for me to think about once again. thank you for sharing your stories my friend.

    sending you both hugs and love

  10. I amsur she will find strength in your friendship

  11. She must be a strong woman to make the decision to go into a nursing home it shows love to me

  12. Rhonda says:

    Sometimes, in the dark of night, I pray that if anything like this were to be in God’s plan for my husband or me, I would find the depth of strength, as you have with Ants, were it to befall my husband. But as I now see…I shall pray to find the same strength as ‘Meri’ if it were to be me.

    I don’t pretend to know what God had in mind when he made man and woman…but I know one thing…He knew women would need the strength of 10 men more times in their lives than one could imagine…this is one of those times. xo

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