wings and things

Just being there

on May 29, 2015

One of the things I’ve learned over the last year or so is that I don’t need to do anything, go somewhere, think of an activity, plan an event, force Anthony to converse, figure out how to get loved ones to visit him more, stress myself wretched with ideas of how to make his life better … I just have to be there.

So that is what I do now – an undoing really – a breath-saving realisation of how simple it is. I sit next to this beautiful husband of mine, with my hand on his shoulder, or stroking his head, watching television, talking about the past, sharing secrets, rejoicing in our son, Ming, smiling at each other, joking about silly things ….

We are so conditioned to do, do, do! It is such a great relief to simply be there, to embrace the long stretches of silence when Anthony is dozing, to quietly rejoice in the fact that our love has not been diminished by his disease, to just be.

40 responses to “Just being there

  1. How profound Julie and so simply stated. ❤
    Diana xo

  2. An ode to love if ever I saw one. 🙂

  3. Really beautiful little post.

  4. Vicki says:

    Live in the moment and live each moment Mindfully and you will free yourself from most worry and cares. I think you are finding just how liberating it can be.

    Remember that life is not a rehearsal.

    I always say I never married because I never found a man who knew how to be silent and just be.

    How lucky you and Anthony are in this.

    (and Ming will learn soon enough :D).

  5. It is a good ‘realization’… Diane

  6. Judy says:

    Nothing can separate you and your enduring love for each other. You will always love each other “still.” (And that beautiful word “still” carries another meaning of which you just wrote).

  7. My Heartsong says:

    That is wisdom talking. Sounds like you have taken Tolle’s book to heart. Great to hear. We all need the reminder.Too much BLAH,BLAH,BLAh in the world.

  8. susanpoozan says:

    You are a wonder in our fretting world.

  9. Val Boyko says:

    Nowhere else to go,
    Nothing else to be,
    Just be here and be you

  10. Amy says:

    I forget how important that is, especially right now with my daughter who is having a hard time. I want to fix and do, and really what she wants is for me to just be there.

  11. What a glorious life. 😀 We can all learn from you and Anthony.

  12. Yes, yes, yes! How lovely to read this post…I have tried to express this idea on A Swift Current…I found such grace in the silence, sitting side my side with my mom in the garden…the occasional exclamation over a bird or flower…holding her hands, rubbing her shoulders…the nursing home became a balm, not torment. I used to feel guilty that I am so grateful for those years, but grateful I am. Thank you for this post…we are so busy most of the time, or we make ourselves busy and you said it so well. “Love is care and to let be…” (as written by my friend Corita).

    Thank you, Julie,


  13. I can’t think of anything more powerful. ❤

  14. Terry says:

    It was months after Al passed, but I finally went through the stage you are in now. I started looking at me. Enjoy this time!!

  15. Lisa Rest says:

    We all need to do this and stop feeling guilty about not doing. Thanks for the beautiful post.

    • jmgoyder says:

      I wish I’d realised earlier in our situation how futile ‘doing’ was and, instead, embraced just being. Oh well, better late than never!

  16. this is one of the most important things we can learn in life. most of our days are spent with me sleeping while he goes about his day. he comes in and out of our room, laying down with me from time to time. most evenings he gets take out or we eat simple, then we watch old movies or bbc type shows. it is the hand holding with i love you’s along the way.

    this post was both heart warming and heart breaking.

    sending you big hugs and love

  17. Lynda says:

    You seem at peace now, Julie. Not many of us find our way. Beautiful.

  18. This is just beautiful and so right ~ thanks for the reminder xoxo

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