jmgoyder

wings and things

The only child

on May 31, 2015

Anthony and I decided to just have one child, Menzies (Ming). I don’t quite remember now why we made this decision but it was probably due to the fact that Anthony was already nearly 60 when we got married. I do remember, however, that this was a mutual decision.

Now that Ming is 21, Anthony is in the nursing home, and I am once again a lady of leisure (ha!) it is with some astonishment that I look at this boy/man. How on earth did Ming survive all of those years of Anthony’s illnesses? How did he manage, as a teenager, to share the ‘night shifts’ with me? How did he put up with my anxious, endless tears? How did he not mind the way I would escape to my office when I came home from my job at the university? How did he cope with the fact that our once boisterous life became so quiet and desolate as Anthony’s Parkinson’s disease encroached? And how did Ming undergo his two spinal surgeries, give up football, his dairy farming job, and motorbike adventures, with so much dignity and acceptance?

I am so proud of him. Ming is the loud, boisterous epitome of how Anthony once was; he is the life of the party, the polite guest, the gentleman; he is never shy but often uncertain. Last night I came home to see him on the front lawn with his arms outstretched. I stopped my car on the driveway and rolled down the window and this was our conversation:

Me: What are you doing?
Ming: Just wanted to greet you with a hug!
Me: Why?
Ming: You are the only person I really trust.
Me: I visited the women in the dementia cottage today.
Ming: Why?
Me: Because I love those women! It doesn’t matter that I’m no longer employed – I can still visit.
Ming: You are the most beautiful woman, Mum, I really mean that.

So proud – our only child.


50 responses to “The only child

  1. Helen says:

    Julie this was just so lovely to read. He is such a lovely boy or should I say man. We are both so lucky. Helen xxx

  2. susanpoozan says:

    What a fabulous vote of confidence!

  3. Judy says:

    The reason Ming is so wonderful is because he received adoring love from both his parents. Love overcomes so many obstacles, doesn’t it? There is nothing in the world that compares to proud feelings I have for my child. It is the best. You deserve it!

  4. How lovely. 🙂 What a great young man you have there.

  5. Love that boy and the way he honours you Julie! ❤
    Diana xo

  6. ksbeth says:

    chills. and what a son!

  7. niasunset says:

    so lovely so beautiful. Blessing and Happiness to you both, Thanks and Love, nia

  8. I would have been so touched by those words! ❤

  9. He is all those things, and the reflection of the beauty of your heart and the love you share so generously and freely.

    he is magnificent! Just like his parents.

    Much love ❤

  10. It makes me very happy, and feel safer, knowing Ming exists.

  11. You put a huge smile on my face as I was reading your post, I can empathize completely. 😀 Hugs to all three of you! 😀

  12. Vicki says:

    What a Gem Ming is!.

    He is the perfect example of unconditional love. You have good reason to feel so proud of him. He ‘s such a well-rounded and mature young man too……a credit to his parents and upbringing.

  13. tootlepedal says:

    He is a good lad.

  14. Oh what a heartfelt story! What a lovely son you have and what a testament to you and Ants!

  15. Anonymous says:

    i love you all although I’ve never met you. Wish I could give you a hug!! 🙂

  16. What a special and blessed relationship that you have.. and you’re right that Ming has come through many trials in his young life, but he has had two people who have been there and helped him be the man he is today… of course you and Anthony….. Diane xx

  17. Rhonda says:

    I’m melting just a little bit…he’s got the heart of a lion that one and I’m happy he’s admitted out loud, to you, what he’s really known all along…you are wonderful, beautiful, one of a kind…and he’s a chip off the old block!

  18. Ann Koplow says:

    Thanks so much for this beautiful tribute to your wonderful son, Julie. I am lucky in many of the same ways. People often tell me I should take credit for how well my only son has turned out; I hope you can take credit for that in Ming.

  19. Lynda says:

    What a lovely vision and conversation, Julie! I know I’ve told you this before, but when it comes to Ming, well, you are blessed!

  20. I know how it feels to be proud of one’s child as I am proud of all my girls, you did a great job raising such a wonderful young man

  21. Amy says:

    He sounds like a very special person.

  22. Lisa Rest says:

    I’m smiling through my tears. What a beautiful young man you have grown.

  23. Among all the hardship and heartbreaks, you all continue to recognize how blessed you are with each other — life doesn’t get any better than that!

  24. he may have gotten a bit of you in there:)

  25. Sounds like you got a double portion!

  26. He is a beautiful person because YOU are a beautiful person.

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