I’m not crazy about the idea of routine and now that I am once again a lady of leisure unemployed, there is even less incentive to exit the world of spontaneity and knuckle down.
In my recent interview with the finding-another-job people, I stated that I only wanted part-time work because I liked to spend the afternoons with Anthony in the nursing home. I also stated that I would be happy to do something completely different from my previous jobs (lecturer, nurse etc.) So it’s with a degree of mild excitement that I am now looking at outside-the-box possibilities. We shall see!
In the meantime, I have settled into a routine of being with Anthony from just before noon until about 4pm. This way, I can help him with his lunch; make sure he is warm enough; get him comfortable in his electrical armchair; give him chocolate, bananas and beer (but not all at the same time); and just be there, very close, one hand on his head and the other hand inside both of his.
This arrangement is great and our mutual friends and relatives now visit us at the nursing home. I am free to make visitors coffee or tea (our friend, C, visited this afternoon and it actually did feel like we were all home at the farm). I also have plenty of long-lasting snacks in Anthony’s cupboard, you know, like nuts and stuff, plus red wine, brandy, scotch and warm beer. The ready availability of this kind of sustenance also helps to make Anthony’s room homey and, I hope, welcoming.
If I am meeting friends for lunch, I simply go to see Anthony a bit later in the afternoon and then stay later in order to help him with his dinner. So I think the fact that I am now always there in the afternoon has become something he can now rely on; it gives both of us a definite daily expectation. It also frees my whole morning up so I can do other things like the exhilarating tasks of housework, washing and cooking for a fussy son ha!
Sometimes I feel incredibly lazy and unproductive sitting on the side of Anthony’s armchair with him, watching Dr Phil or a television series, or Master Chef. But, thanks to either the ‘pause’ or ‘mute’ buttons, I can always stop whatever show is on and we can converse with each other and/or visitors, AND the wonderful staff who are so affectionate and friendly to both of us
Today, Anthony was quite vocal and ‘with-it’ until about 3pm when he thought his mother’s eye-glasses were on the floor (yes, the hallucinations are getting worse but not distressing yet, like they used to be at home).
Anthony: You are popular, Jules.
Me: What do you mean?
Anthony: Everyone always wants to know when you will be here.
Me: No, it is YOU who is popular, Ants! The staff here love you!
Anthony: I don’t think so – I think it’s you.
Me: Rubbish, Ants!
Anthony: I beg to differ.
But a couple of hours after this lucid conversation, as I was about to leave to come home:
Me: I’m off now to do the grocery shopping, Ants, okay?
Anthony: Is everything in the shed?
Me: Of course!
Anthony: What about the calves?
Me: They’re fine; Ming is taking care of it – don’t worry.
Anthony: Don’t be too long, Jules.
Me: I’ll be back as soon as I can.
And, after one last kiss, hug, joke, lie, I come back home to this beautiful farm and begin to accept that this new routine is working.
Anthony’s face is no longer as expressionless as it was six months ago….
He is smiling again!
jmgoyder 
That is so wonderful 😀
Yes!
You are a gift.
xxx
How great to see a smile again.
He is better at it now than when I took that pic.!
That’s so wonderful.
:). It is so wonderful that you are writing about this journey.
If I don’t write the details I won’t remember them.
I think what you are now doing is great. Not only for you but for Anthony as well. I am a great believer in routine as it gives comfort to children. I can see now that it gives comfort to the sick as well as their caregivers.
I’m getting better at routine now!
Good for you 🙂
Anthony isn’t expressionless anymore – I thnk the “expression” is love conquers all.
He can smile better than this photo but my camera and I are always too slow to capture it!
Your routine sounds absolutely perfect, it is obviously good for Anthony too.
I wish I’d realised this simple thing earlier!
You are such a devoted wife.
I’m improving – ha!
You are such a wonderful and devoted wife.
Well I love him.
love …
Very much so …
Good for routine. I look forward to your job as a bricklayer.
Interview tomorrow – hahaha!
Good luck, good luck.
What a great photo of Ants! I see nothing wrong with your routine. You are doing all you can and spending quality time with Ants. Love and hugs
I learned so much from you, Terry, when you were caring for Al xxx
“I beg to differ”. He makes me happy. 🙂
I love the way he comes out with these perfect remarks from time to time!
Me too. And if it makes me this happy, I can’t fathom the joy he brings you. 🙂 I love his humor, it seems to work perfectly with yours and Mings. 🙂
yay, for the return of the smile!
It’s happening more and more now – the smile!
I did notice a difference in his face as well Julie! Do symptoms come and go?
I love how homey you’ve made it there Julie. ❤
Diana xo
That wasn’t the best photo of the newfound smile. The symptoms do come and go but mostly it’s all pretty predictable – that’s why the return of the absent smile is so fantastic!
I’m happy for you, that the routine seems to be working well for you. And hoping for the job that is right for you!… Diane
Thanks Diane; it’s weird becoming a more organised person!
Wow Ants looks good… good luck with the job search… but it certainly looks like your regular visits are doing Ants a lot of good… Sterkte friend…
Your Sterktes to me have made a big difference to my attitude, Bulldog – many thanks!
Being Afrikans speaking, through all Lindas cancers it was the one word that all our friends said…. it has a high regard in my mind and always gave me strength on a day to day basis
How wonderful that you’ve found a routine that works and that has helped bring a smile back to that handsome face!
I will tell Ants tomorrow that you say he is handsome – thanks Trisha!
you and i are lucky, our men are quite handsome! sorry i have been mia (missing in action). though i have not been writing (typing is painful at times) i have certainly been reading and catching up on life with your family.
i send you all big warm hugs and love from the two of us:)