jmgoyder

wings and things

Weird and wonderful

on July 14, 2015

Anthony had visitors today when I arrived – his oldest friend, F, who often drops in with his wife, J. But today it was F with his eldest daughter, T.

He/we have had a lot of visitors lately and most people say, when I go outside to see them off and thank them, that Ants looks better.

The weird and wonderful thing about this is that he actually has started to look ‘better’, feel better, respond better, smile more readily, quip sarcastically, banter with me and with visitors.

I find this both fantastic but also bewilderingly fascinating because Parkinson’s disease doesn’t go backwards; that’s impossible? And yet, like the couple of nephews who visited on the weekend said, “He seems to be improving!”

Of course, in physiological terms, Anthony is not improving (i.e. although occasionally still able to walk with the use of a walker and the help of two carers, he is mostly immobile). But his cognitive wit, his innate positivity, and his unique grin, all seem to be returning.

My determination to spend most of every day with Ants, usually sitting on the arm of his armchair so I can put my arm around his shoulders, has certainly improved his mood. Not that he is ever in a bad mood anyway; he is one of the most even-tempered people I have ever known, but I now wonder if the regularity of my visits and the habitual things I do/say on arrival are making him happier. Another factor is that my own mother visits Anthony when and if I can’t get there and that, too, is a regular occurrence.

Currently, this is the pattern of our exchanges:

Me (entering his room at 11amish): DARLING!

Anthony (slow smile): It’s you.

Me: Move over so I can sit next to you – hurry up!

Anthony: You need to brush your hair (he always says this!)

Me: You always say that – shut up! Maybe I should get the haircut you’ve just had?

Anthony: The hairdresser kidnapped me.

Me: Well it looks good, Ants – very distinguished! Okay so let’s put our show on before lunch arrives.

Anthony: Don’t you have to go to work?

Me: Not today.

Anthony: So how much money is in the bank? (He always says this too).

Me: Stop worrying about money – there’s plenty – tens of thousands, and that’s all thanks to you!

Anthony: I love you so much, Jules.

I am beginning to think that this daily banter, the habit of watching a show, eating lunch together, regular visits from my ma and other relatives and friends, might be the reason this amazing husband of mine seems to be improving!

Anyway, I suppose I should stop wondering about all of the whys of this weird and wonderful experience and just be grateful.


55 responses to “Weird and wonderful

  1. Vicki says:

    The ‘whys’ are not important (despite the fact that its so very human to wonder why).

    Nothing is important any more, but living in this moment of togetherness and love. For that’s what makes the world go around. We don’t need to know why the world spins. Just that it does and provides the air we breathe and food for the soul.

    Perhaps Anthony IS getting an extra dose of man’s best medicine (love) and it’s doing him the world of good.

  2. The mind and cognitive abilities … ‘the man’… is I believe the best part even if he is not very mobile… and I would suppose to you also… Diane

  3. I love your conversation… It’s beautiful, thank you for sharing with us 💜

  4. You amaze me Julie. And I think Anthony is a very, very wise man — he knows you are love personified — even Parkinson’s cannot withstand the power of your love. Hugs

  5. Myabe it is the routine, stability and reliable dose of your wonderful love,care and affection have permanently made an inroad in the Parkinson’s affected part of his brain

  6. And I was going to say before my finger accidently hit the post button, maybe when we get older we go back to needing the same type of structured day, the way babies do to help us feel more secure? I don’t know, when your body and your mind are changing and it isn’t under your control, I would think that this is when everything in your life really needs to be constant and dependable. I am jut so happy that Anthony is doing so much better for him and for you! Hugs Jules 😀 xx

  7. When my mother was very ill, it was these interactions with us and others, the normal everyday things that kept her going and we stopped thinking about her being ill at all. We saw her as normal again. This is wonderful!

  8. susanpoozan says:

    The previous commentator has said it all, I can’t improve on that.

  9. jensine says:

    enjoy it and let it just last as long as it can

  10. Trisha says:

    I’m so glad to hear he’s looking, feeling and responding better. What a wonderful gift!

  11. all too often we want to know why rather than just accept and feel grateful. just embrace, for whatever reason, your ants is having good days. there will be time enough to wonder why this happened. we have learned this lesson and it makes life so much easier. you two are so blessed, to have each other and that wild beautiful boy of yours! i have missed you julie:)

  12. tootlepedal says:

    Virtue rewarded. Long may it continue.

  13. Terry says:

    I always loved the times when my brother seemed to go back to his original self. What glorious days those were, but for him, it meant a big turn was coming soon, and then I didn’t look forward to those good days anymore. I hope for you and Ants, this isn’t the case, and I pray his good days remain strong and long. Love and hugs

  14. Amy says:

    I’m quite sure your being there has a positive impact. Love does that 🙂

  15. How wonderful! And very smart of you, to enjoy the blessing instead of analyzing it to death. But still, one has to wonder…. ❤

  16. This post makes me smile Julie – I’m so glad Ants is interacting more. ❤
    Diana xo

  17. I’ve never met your darling man and I”M grateful for the improvements. I love the banter. You and Anthony are writing such a beautiful love story. 🙂 When others would have felt it ended ‘here’, the two of you have proven the glory of love is every where. You two put joy in my heart.

    • jmgoyder says:

      I know it sounds odd but I have absolutely fallen in love with him again! Not that I fell out of love but it was so hard for so long.

      • I don’t think it sounds odd. I think it sounds romantic and validating. Like, you got it right, both of you. And you get to find it all over again in different ways. 🙂

  18. ksbeth says:

    the magic of love

  19. You make a difference Jules everyday. That’s why he is doing so well. Big hugs to you! ♥

  20. Lisa Rest says:

    My vote too for a beautiful love story that keeps renewing. Also the routine and the consistency makes it easier for both of you. We are human and cannot be afraid to hope, it’s looking forward.But being able to live in the moment is even more precious. Good going.

  21. I feel like you make all this possible. The loving attention he receives each, every day makes it possible. People in a nursing home, left all alone … aren’t like this. Much less the ones who can’t speak, move about. The staff aren’t attentive to them and see them as their job. People like you are why their loved ones improve. You are the special one … your mother. Ants reflects this just as a mirror reflects an image. He reflects love to everyone … he reflects … you. I knew you were this special, Julie. I just knew that. Love, Gloria

  22. Es I think the regular visits are helping heaps so keep it up as much as you can

  23. Yes I think the regular visits and seeing each day is making a difference so keep it up as much as possible

  24. bulldog says:

    Nothing is impossible… who says it cannot reverse? Mightier things have happened and your regular visits and chats might just be the reason for the slight turn around…
    They say much cannot be beaten, but if it is Gods wish all things can happen… I take Linda’s cancers all three of them… an oncologist told me she would never be clear, yet our last visit there was not a sign anywhere in her and she goes thru all the scans x rays and sonars, blood tests etc etc… No sign of cancer, so believe that what ever you are doing is helping and keep on doing it… Sterkte my friend and I hope Ant continues to get better….

  25. Judith Post says:

    You two are so special. I love the husband/wife exchange:)

  26. Tiny says:

    Wonderful. That’s what love can do.

  27. paulaacton says:

    The power of positive thinking can go a long way, okay it might not turn the tide but it sure as hell can slow it coming in 😀

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