This afternoon I went into town to see Anthony. By the time I’d done bits and pieces of paperwork and housework, I almost didn’t go in after all. I didn’t feel like going in, but then the guilt got to me.
I arrived later in the afternoon than usual after doing a couple of in-town errands. Anthony was asleep in his armchair so I put a blanket on his knees, made sure the heater was on, put the television on mute and sat down next to him.
Usually Ants wakes up when he hears my voice or anybody’s voice but this afternoon he was in slumber mode and, no matter how much noise I made, he didn’t wake up! Nurses came and went, and he even swallowed his 4pm pills semi-asleep, then I had to talk on my phone for ages, then Ming came in after knocking off, then a couple of the nurses came back for a chat, other staff came in to change towels in the bathroom, a cup of tea was brought in ….
…. And throughout these couple of hours I watched (on and off) our latest television series with my left hand inside Anthony’s shirt collar. But he still didn’t wake up!
I wanted to tell him so many things: how the camellias are thriving (I’ve been taking little flowerettes in lately); that Ming has a new friend; that I’ll bring more chocolate tomorrow; that I missed him so much that looking at photos of our years before Parkinson’s sometimes made me cry; and how he was, to me and to Ming, the best example of a good father and husband.
Of course I have poured out these various profundities to Ants before but today he was so unwakeably asleep that I had to pour all of that stupid emotional stuff into the toilet paper in his bathroom.
On resuming my position by Anthony’s side, my hand back inside his collar, I wiped his chin then saw that he was smiling in his sleep. Once again I tried to wake him gently but it wasn’t possible to get much more than a few blinks and then he was asleep again.
Then, all of a sudden, Anthony began to chuckle in his sleep. Of course I have seen this before with him but only occasionally. This time, the chuckling went on and on, for well over an hour! It was amazing and beautiful and I am so glad I was there to witness this.
Tomorrow, I will pick camellias to take in, then I will tease him about his sleep-chuckling haha!
jmgoyder 
Sleep chuckling for an hour? I’m astonished.
So glad you were there and part of the experience. Anything that brings a smile to your face in these difficult days must be a treat and immensely reassuring (that Anthony is happy inside).
my DH sometimes wakes up because he is laughing in his sleep .
Maybe he was dreaming of all the good times you have had together 🙂
Darn, all I get from my wife is snoring…
I remember Al doing this. I went through so many emotions myself while he lay there sleeping. Guilt that I was thinking I should be some other place doing something else. Guilt that I was even considering leaving. Sadness at realizing he was sleeping more and more. Ideas of how I could make him want to be awake more often. These seem so minor, but in the caregiver’s eyes, many thoughts turn faster than my brain could handle.
So glad he’s having sweet dreams…. Diane
You are so patient and understanding.
A sleepy chuckle is better than none
It must have been one of the loveliest dreams ever. 😀 Hugs Jules xxoo
what a fantastic happy ending to this day’s story )
It sounds like he gave you some comfort when you needed it. He’s a good man, a very good man.
Such a sweet story! Chuckling for an hour ~ wowsza!
How lovely, Julie. 🙂
You are wonderful and have the ability to make a magical experience from a normal afternoon.
🙂