After the fright of the other day when Ants was unconscious for so many hours (much longer than usual), I now realise that my being there every day is important. (Confession: I have been taking ‘days off’ here and there recently).
The first interesting thing about this is that, according to staff, relatives, and visitors, if I am not there, Anthony asks for me and is sometimes fretful.
The second interesting thing about this is the whole time warp thing: i.e. I rush in to see Ants on my way to getting the car serviced, seeing whether we have won lotto, buying chick starter etc. so it’s a very brief visit. And he always knows that I will be back soon, even when I don’t come back that day/night. Five minutes can equate to-and-fro with five hours – or vice versa.
The third interesting thing about this is Anthony’s daily mention of Ming. He never does this in a needy way; he is just always very curious and loves seeing photos of Ming, including Ming’s latest Halloween antics/costume at the restaurant where he works. These photos (as well as the photos of Ming on the walls of Anthony’s nursing home room) are always a buzz – “There he is!” Anthony will sometimes say.
When I told Ming about the frightening day, I cried because I was scared that we might lose Anthony suddenly (which, of course, we will). In telling Ming about my day with Anthony, I realised, and saw, how alike they are: generous, sensitive, gregarious, easy-going, beautiful.
Another day with Anthony…
… enhanced by the fact of Ming.
jmgoyder 
You’re lucky your son is close by and you can support each other. You are amazing.
I am lucky to have him.
and how wonderful the qualities that you all three possess. )
I love our little family.
Such a beautiful post Jules. Hugs 😀
Thanks Laurie x
Family!!!!
A wonderful thing.
Another day with Anthony…
… enhanced by the fact of Ming.
You are amazing and I love that your moments of equilibrium are carried on the wings of love for those two men in your life. Another truth is that you’ll always have Anthony because you’ll always have Ming and when the worst happens, and your world stops reeling, your heart will remember that. Love you Jules xoxox
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about Anthony dying and what you say here is profound and beautiful. Thanks Rhonda!
You’re welcome. Love you my friend
Clearly, it’s the consistency that counts with your visits, rather than the length of time. I learned that with my mother, at least. If I spent an entire afternoon or evening with her, it always was appreciated, but often it would be just as satisfactory if I spent an hour. But if I missed a day of visiting (or calling, when she lived farther away): oh, woe! She didn’t have dementia, but it’s interesting that the dynamic seems the same.
Spot on about the consistency!
❤
x
I love that he asks after you and Ming. He’s not ever letting go of you two.
It’s lovely.
Yes, our children are such a beautiful reminder of so many things. My mother used to tell me that “The sun rises and sets with my children.” So it is with Ming – “The Son rises and sets within your heart and Anthony’s.”
Glad you were able to share your frightening day, which I’m certain it was. Even though he can be annoying (as boys can be – I know!), it’s great that he stepped up to comfort you.
I think it’s great that you can get some mileage out of those brief visits. Good thinking!
You are so right!
This is painful, and sad, and beautiful.Such a mix and I thank you for helping me to see this.
It certainly is a mix.
You are wonderful at appreciating what other people might see as problems, well done you.
I’m getting better at it as time goes by.
This is both sad and touching and beautiful, he needs you, no both of them need you and you need them
Absolutely!
oh julie i am so sorry you had to go through this! it gives me insight in to how chris must feel on my bad days. there are days when i am just completely out and cannot be woken for 12 hours or more. yes there will be a day when you and he will lose us and i hate that for both of you.
i send you love and big warm hugs