wings and things

Dead or alive?

on January 18, 2016

The other day, Anthony and I had the oddest conversation (in a black humour kind of way). To give it a bit of context, “Eric” died over two years ago; and the ‘house’ Ants refers to is the nursing home. Oh, and another thing: when I thought Ants didn’t remember that “Eric” had died, I presented to him that “Eric” wasn’t very well. I did this because I didn’t want Ants to experience the shock of this again….

Anthony: Is Eric in this house?

Me: No, I don’t think so.

Anthony: So where is he?

Me: Well, he hasn’t been very well lately.

Anthony: Is he okay?

Me: Not really, but he might get better, Ants.

Anthony: But he’s dead, Jules!


Me: So, if you already know he’s dead, why are you asking me if he is in this house? Are we all in heaven now? You are doing my head in!

Anthony: Settle down – I was just wondering.

These kinds of conversations, whispered now, sometimes quickly, sometimes over a whole afternoon, absolutely fascinate me. I realise that sounds awful, but I am so glad now that I have documented these years in this blog.

My recent posts about how my beautiful husband was so mistreated by his closest family; how he is now construed as near death; and the fact that some visits cause him distress … all of this makes me want to tell the perpetrators to please stay away.

But to kinder friends and family, visits are welcome. Anthony can’t speak very well any more but he is still on-the-ball. I spent the afternoon with him today and he told me (as usual) that my hair needed some attention!

Anthony is much more alive than dead.



24 responses to “Dead or alive?

  1. You get an outlandish wig and wear it one day Jules! ❤
    Diana xo

  2. I’m glad you’re writing this down as well Julie. And I’m sure Anthony finds the humor in this as you do. I get the feeling that he is keeping YOU on your toes. 🙂

  3. susanpoozan says:

    You are an excellent recorder of interesting conversations.

  4. Amy says:

    This brings a smile to my face today.

  5. tersiaburger says:

    Hugs and lots of love my friend. You are a brave lady.

  6. tootlepedal says:

    Find time to visit a hairdresser. That will show him.

  7. Yes he is more alive the dead, it is wonderful that you can still have conversations like this even it takes a while for the whole conversation to unfold.

  8. ksbeth says:

    i love your stories of your ongoing adventures with anthony. we are all somewhere between life and death, though some refuse to live like this is true.

  9. Vicki says:

    I agree with Diana. I would be interested to hear Anthony’s reaction to a big change in hairstyle (like a wig).

    Glad to hear you are feeling the positive in your conversations with Ants. Many would only relate the deterioration and sadness. If one always looks on the brighter side of these weird conversations, then I’m sure partners or families of those in nursing homes with Dementia would feel reassured and comforted by the whole visiting experience.

  10. Terry says:

    I hate it that this happens. I would give anything to fix it all for you so you can be your little happy family again, love and hugs

  11. susielindau says:

    Anthony is in the in-between and understands more than all of us! Love this conversation.
    Your blog reflects a profound love story.

  12. of course he is and we all need to remember that kind of important knowledge about people who suffer from diseases that frighten us away!

    glad he continues to keep you on your toes:)

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