jmgoyder

wings and things

“Where is Mum?”

on January 20, 2016

I think I’ve mentioned this before, but Anthony often asks about his mother. He either asks me where she is or how she is. It’s a difficult question to answer because Anthony’s mother died over 30 years ago. Sometimes I just say that she is fine; other times, especially when Ants wants to visit her, I have to gently tell him the truth.

Me: Ants, she died a long time ago … remember?

Anthony: Sorry, Jules, I got stuck.

Me: It’s okay, Ants – it’s just the Parkinson’s disease affecting your memory. Don’t worry about it.

Anthony: Parkinson’s disease, yes.

Me: Do you remember your mother’s salmon mornay?

Anthony: Yes – beautiful.

Me: And how I couldn’t make it as well as she did?

Anthony: Yes you could!

Me: She is definitely one of my heroes.

When a son, who is nearly 80, remembers his mother with such incredible affection and concern, it makes me pause, look up at the sky …

and wonder


36 responses to ““Where is Mum?”

  1. How beautiful Jules xxoo hugs

  2. Colline says:

    You are so patient with Anthony – and this is what your son sees. You are a good role model to him.

    • jmgoyder says:

      I was there today, madly ringing window cleaners with no luck (Ming is having a party on Saturday), At one point Ants said, “Why don’t you get the people Mum always gets?”

  3. Makes me wonder.
    And believe.
    And adore the two of you.

  4. aFrankAngle says:

    Through the agony of this story, how can one not come away with a smile. Well done, Julie.

  5. Rhonda says:

    And whisper “Thank You for raising such a wonderful man so that I may know this kind of love.”

  6. Terry says:

    The most precious memories are in tact until the end with Parkinson

  7. tersiaburger says:

    It is so hard deciding how honest to be. My dad would ask to speak to his mom on the phone. At first I would say “but Daddy, remember Gran died?” He would cry and say “No! When did this happen? ” Eventually I just said that she was out… It is so horrible seeing the dreadful devistation of the disease. Lots of love my friend

  8. susanpoozan says:

    What a fine man he is, his mother would proud of him.

  9. Judy says:

    I don’t think we ever forget our mother’s love. It is such a comfort and found nowhere else on earth. I have learned that in the subconscious, time doesn’t exist. Feelings can be summoned from childhood and feel as potent as when the memory was made. What I see from all of your posts – is how much love there is surrounding you and Anthony, between both of you and from both of your mothers. Such a beautiful love story!

  10. Trisha says:

    This brought tears to my eyes!

  11. tootlepedal says:

    And how nice that he thinks that you cooked as well as she did.

  12. He is a good man but you know that already

  13. They must have had a wonderful connection.

  14. Lynda says:

    “I got stuck.” Yes, stuck in the past. . . how apt to describe it in that way.

    Julie, I remember your telling of your salmon mornay and your inability to make it. How wonderful that he remembers it as being good as mom’s. That is rare. ❤

  15. i can imagine your ming having the same affection for his mother as an 80 year old man:) chris forgets things and asks me to remind him, then he says he concerned he has alzheimers or some sort of dementia. for some reason i am honored to be his memory and to share this part of his aging process with him.

    you are an amazing mom and will be well remembered long after you are gone from this place.

    • jmgoyder says:

      What you write here is so profound, Sandra. I know we are at opposite ends of this weird coincidence but it rocks! I think of you and Chris all the time. It is such a privilege to know you!

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