wings and things

Dementia dialogues

on January 29, 2016

I started writing these on Facebook but am now wondering if I should retrieve these little conversations for the blog. Anthony is beginning to lose his ability to speak, but the other day he whispered:

Anthony: You are so big and strong, Jules.

Me: Are you calling me fat?

Anthony: Meaty.

Me: How DARE you!

Anthony: I am small and weak now, Jules.

Me: No, Ants, NO! Do you want some of my mother’s Christmas cake?

I wish now that I had written down every single word Anthony spoke in the prelude to this impending silence. He keeps trying to speak, but he seems to have lost the ability to speak. Ming saw his father today and came home to tell me he was out-of-it.

Tomorrow, I will go in and try to comfort him. I think Ants will live for a long time so I have to figure out how to cope.





17 responses to “Dementia dialogues

  1. mimijk says:

    You are coping Jules…one day at a time. And when you need to step away and breathe and take are of yourself, you will do that too.

  2. My aunt went through that, I think her way of coping was to do what you are doing, including family and friends into your relationship so your support system is also Anthony’s support system. She kept the love alive by making it a huge circle. Hugs Jules xxxooo

  3. We find a way, my darling friend ….. sharing here is one way. Much love …

  4. I agree with Mimi and Laurie — you are moving with grace through each moment, moment by moment, and you are creating a circle of love — I also think it’s important that your support system also support you as the primary care/love giver. Please do take good, good care of you Julie. Please give yourself lots and lots of tender loving care. Many hugs

  5. Lynda says:

    You are an inspiration, Julie. You keep visiting, and writing, and sharing, and taking a breather when you need it.

    Your posts put here will keep track of all that you are experiencing and still post to FB. It saves you some precious time and we will find you, here /and or there.

  6. Lisa Rest says:

    So difficult and I understand your desire to capture every single word. There are no rules or guidelines to follow. You are writing them as you go, and you are doing so much more than coping.

  7. Terry says:

    The sadness is strong within me for Ants. He realizes what is happening to him. I wish he couldn’t realize that he is losing his ability to speak.

  8. susanpoozan says:

    One day at a time is good advice I think.

  9. Rhonda says:

    Your Dementia Dialogues would be a natural and welcome addition to your blog Jules. And give yourself credit my sweet…you’ve been learning to cope for over 4 years now. You will continue to find new ways with each change, but don’t think that we think coping means you cannot be sad, or discouraged, or have as many weepy days as sunny ones. We are here for you in whatever capacity you need…what is important, besides being the one who knows what Ants needs best…is knowing too, what you need. Always my friend….always. xoxoxo

  10. judyrutrider says:

    We are all here learning from you. Show us the way. And when you can’t figure it out, we will be here to encourage you to keep trying.

  11. Yes when they lose the ability to speak you start to treasure the words the do say and you learn to listen and I mean really listen for those few wonderful words

  12. Love and hugs! ❤
    Diana xo

  13. I think you are learning Julie. I remember having to do the same when my mother was in the nursing home…. coping with tears sometimes (often)… but coping! Diane xxx

  14. You are amazing. What I love about these words of Anthony’s, that you capture, will be here for you forever. And even when Anthony is no longer verbally speaking I think you will forever hear him say “my Julies, my girl” when he looks at you.

  15. I think you are doing marvellously and I admire you SO much.

  16. Val Boyko says:

    Sending you a virtual ((hug)) to keep going Julie as you both meet the upcoming changes with love.

  17. Judith Post says:

    You’ll find a way, and you’ll do it with the love and generosity that’s just a part of you. And you’ll find balance, too, so that you remain replete. No one can run on empty, and you give so much, you have to refuel. Be nice to yourself.

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