jmgoyder

wings and things

“Ming the Merciless”

on February 21, 2016

During Ming’s last year at high school, all of the kids were allowed to imprint on their grammar school jackets an emblem or phrase that represented who they were. Ming chose “Ming the Merciless”.

And that he is! This week, he mercilessly told me some home truths about how my sadness about Anthony affects him. This has been followed by many lengthy philosophical conversations about a whole lot of topics including life, death, love, loss, grief, acceptance. Occasionally he and I have cried together about our different heartbreaks, comforted each other by just listening, and made plans to get out of our individual ruts.

Ming is not merciless at all. He is the kindest person I have ever known and the way he cares so much about me, and Ants too, is extraordinary in its depth. I think back to all of those nights when Ming slept in the bed next to Anthony’s in order to give me a break from what we called ‘the night shifts’ and I am so grateful for his help, patience, love and comfort.

Now, at 22, this child/man of ours is, understandably, a bit tired of both Anthony and me, but he cares so much that he doesn’t ever want to leave the farm. He gets a lot of peer pressure to ‘get out there’ but he wants to stay put for the time being, work as a waiter, earn some money, and be here for both Ants and me.

And, no matter how many times I tell him that we don’t want him trapped into feeling he has to be here for us, he just reiterates that he loves this home, that he doesn’t want to go anywhere at the moment, that he is content.

Ming is so much like Anthony in this way; Ants knew how to go with the flow, work hard and he had no delusions; he was content with, and proud of, life as a dedicated dairy farmer despite the changes that wreaked havoc with the industry many year ago. I have always admired Anthony’s lackadaisical attitude to life and work and his acceptance of every single ‘whatever’. Ming has this capacity too but he is merciless against himself!

I am so proud of this amazing son of ours – Ming the Merciless!


18 responses to ““Ming the Merciless”

  1. susanpoozan says:

    What a son to be proud of, shout his praise to the housetops!

  2. You are lucky to have each other Julie. ❤
    Diana xo

  3. Rhonda says:

    He is a delectable dish. He’s chosen to season his perfectly crisp exterior and tender interior with the best herbs of Anthony and the richest spices of Julie. He’s a 5 Star…and a shining one at that! xoxo

  4. Judy says:

    How beautiful that he is there for you. It feels odd sometimes when I lean on my boys, but then I feel so amazed at the wonderful men they’ve become. I thought of another title for Ming: Ming so Caring. Mind is also who he is – because of seeing his mother’s devotion to his father.

  5. Your love for one another shouts from this post. 💕

  6. Terry says:

    Ming the merciless, but God’s greatest gift to you and Ants is Ming. Hugs

  7. You and Anthony have raised a wonderful amalgam of the both of you, you have every right to be proud 😀 Hugs Jules xxooooxxoooooo

  8. Trisha says:

    What a wonderful young man Ming is!

  9. ksbeth says:

    and proud you should be. he obviously has learned from the best, his two amazing parents.

  10. “Ming the Merciless” sounds cool but as you said he is not merciless he is loving and caring and sometimes full of compassion and understanding and at other times he just doesn’t have the time to be compassionate because he is 22 and full of life, but those times pass and you know that he is a great kid at the core, he is someone to be proud of

  11. Ming, seems to have wonderful priorities. 🙂

  12. It must be wonderful to have his support.

  13. Your Ming reminds me so much of our Nate. Nate considers himself merciless, too, because he speaks his mind. His honesty is balanced by compassion, though, like Ming’s. We’re both lucky to have them in our lives.

  14. tootlepedal says:

    I have always said that he is a good lad.

  15. Ming is definitely someone to be proud of When so many children won’t communicate with their parents, he does truthfully and with heart.

  16. lensgirl53 says:

    And so you should be, Jules. Love him while you can.

  17. That’s my problem: accepting the whatevers.

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