jmgoyder

wings and things

Asthma 2

on March 20, 2016

Okay so  six days ago I found the prednisolone  tablets I had last taken in 2013. Back then, I wrote some notes about how to combat an asthma attack with what is sometimes called a “steroid burst.” My instructions to myself were to take 100 mgs per day for five days then stop so that my body’s immunity could kick in. It is now day 6 and I know that in a couple of days I will be okay again; in fact I already feel okay – phew!

My instructions to myself also included things about not panicking, not re-living my childhood asthma, not worrying my friends and family unduly, not giving into fear and, importantly, getting fit and healthy again.

When Ming said to me the other day, “when will we not be sad, Mum?” I didn’t have an answer. I scrambled in my mind for an answer but couldn’t find one. I suddenly realised how my sorrow and grief about Anthony’s slow demise was affecting Ming. And I stopped breathing normally; hence the asthma?

This 22-year-old son of ours is the reason I am once again breathing normally; the asthma is gone; we have talked things through. I no longer need the prednisolone ….

I just need Ming.

 

 


16 responses to “Asthma 2

  1. It is amazing the power of having people around that you care about and who care about you.

  2. So often, as I read your posts about Ants and the sweet loving interactions you share, I feel the joy of connection and being in relationship shimmering in your words and I sigh and say, “Ahhh. This is Love.”

    It must be heart-breaking for his son to watch the slow ebbing away of health and vitality in his father. To feel the solid ground of his youth shifting with each tremulous quiver of his father’s hands, forgotten name and slurred word.

    When I read Ming’s question in your post, I thought, Oh. There it is. That’s the ‘thing’ about it all isn’t it? To treasure the moments of joy and to share in their shimmering light so that sadness doesn’t steal away our ability to walk light-heartedly through each day.

    Your courage and bravery are inspiring Jules. And your understanding of what Ming represents on this journey of yours is incredible.

    You touch my heart deeply. Thank you.

  3. ksbeth says:

    human connection and caring is the strongest cure there is.

  4. Ming seems to be wonderful medicine.

  5. Hugs for you and Ming. ❤
    Diana xo

  6. Judy says:

    Ming is very intuitive and you are both dealing with tremendous heartache. So glad he is there to hug and continuing to support you. There is no denying how difficult this “long goodbye” is. Although you are grateful for every moment, the dark cloud above is raining on you with tears.

  7. KDKH says:

    It took me a long time to learn that my lung problems were really issues of my emotional heart. I have been asthmatic all my life, but very seldom have asthma outbreaks any more! I am also the happiest now.

  8. susanpoozan says:

    So glad you are feeling better and have had a good chat with Ming, what a splendid fellow he is.

  9. tootlepedal says:

    A Ming is always better than medicine if possible. Well done for finding a way through an alarming experience.

  10. You two are walking an impossible path with tremendous grace. How you both struggle to balance the need to be there for Anthony and share every bit of love you still can with him, and yet find ways to embrace and enjoy each day in your own life journeys. There is no handbook for any of this. It is a moment by moment, day by day thing. Some times it works some times it doesn’t. Some days the priority will be Anthony, so days it must be yourselves. It is not wrong to want to look ahead and see happiness. You are so blessed to have each other to lean on and find a way forward. Hugs.

  11. Ann Koplow says:

    Hugs for you and your beautiful medicine, Julie. ❤

  12. janeslog says:

    Do you not have an inhaler? I’ve seen people using them. The NHS ones come in different colours so it might be something to do with he strength rather than being different colours just to make them look fancy.

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