wings and things

The pink sky

on March 21, 2016

I watch the sky pinking from our front veranda and, breathing easily now, again, I wonder with a deep curiosity about your strong voice to me on my mother’s phone yesterday. Your voice was louder than usual, and comforting. You remembered my few-and-far-between asthma attacks just as you remembered the drama of how we turned orange from too much carrot juice years ago. I couldn’t believe how strong your voice was; you sounded so normal and in control; your voice wasn’t whispery, you didn’t sound confused, you helped me.

I have now drawn the blinds on a pink sky gone dark and am into day two of no steroids for the asthma. Some friends/commenters have suggested that this asthma attack may well be due to emotional stuff and I am quite willing to accept that possibility. Perhaps the ongoing, relentless, anticipatory grief of losing my beautiful husband has gotten the better of my psyche. Perhaps seeing our son’s grief and bewilderment has turned everything I once saw as pink into a dull grey. I don’t know.

It is probably a terrible pressure on a single son to ask for the pink in the sky to come back, but I know, without any doubt, that he can do this. Ming.

10 responses to “The pink sky

  1. Colline says:

    Imagine me giving you a long hug. I feel for you and I know that you will get your strength again.

  2. dogdaz says:

    Your sadness is so deep and exhausting. I just want to reach out to both of you and give you a hug. The pink will come back, but it will be a different pink then before. You have an incredible gift with words. Feel better – Lorian of DogDaz Zoo

  3. arlene says:

    Be strong Julie. I said a prayer for you and your family.

  4. Judy says:

    The pink sunset is a metaphor for the impending darkness you are feeling over losing Anthony. I hope you are spared any other physical torment; I related so well because I developed many ailments while dealing with horrific stress.
    Just know that the pink sky also can be a sunrise – and that metaphor is one of healing of facing a new day. I see that for you. I might seem far off, but one day I see you feeling better. On that day, you will be watching the morning sky and feeling lightness and joy again. That is something to anticipate, but impossible right now.

  5. susanpoozan says:

    We will all be willing on the return of that pink sky.

  6. tootlepedal says:

    Long may the no steroids last. Asthma is a bugger because it makes you feel spiritually bad as well as physically because of the lack of oxygen to the brain. Relax and don’t beat yourself up.

  7. This one is extra beautifully written. Thinking of you from afar.

  8. janeslog says:

    It probably is emotional.

  9. Terry says:

    I love pink skies!

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