As Anthony, Ming and I travel this ‘undestinated’, unpredictable road of dead leaves, bright stars and joyous laughter….
….we sometimes pause, mid-step.
For us, Parkinson’s disease was so insidious in its approach that we didn’t know it had moved in with us until Anthony couldn’t open the jar of vegemite.
Now, his left foot is slightly twisted so he can’t manoeuvre the walker as well as he used to. But sometimes he can almost run with that walker!
I often dream back to our earlier years of absolute bliss, especially when ‘the Ming’ arrived. On waking, I try to go back to sleep, to recapture the dream, but it doesn’t always work. And even when it does work I then have to figure out the difference between the various realms of reality.
Several weeks ago, Ming said he couldn’t visit Ants anymore; it was too hard. I said okay and I understood, but I had a bit of a private sobfest. Thankfully, since then, Ming has continued to visit Ants.
Ming is so much like Anthony – in personality, looks, lackadaisicalness, acceptance of what is, charm etc. etc. I am so proud to be the mother of this son, and the wife of this husband.
jmgoyder 
And your love shines in every word you write.
Ming was borne of deep love and carries the best parts of both his parents. No surprise there! It is such a sad thing for MIng to lose his father and for you to lose your husband. Anthony’s decline is a continuing reminder of impending loss. I’m holding you close.
Thanks for your incredible understanding and empathy, Judy.
They’re fortunate to have you, also.
You are a wonderful person.
Not at all – I am really struggling.
It’s been a hard road Julie. Hugs xo
Sorry if I sounded ungracious, Susan. I am very grateful for your encouraging comments and I feel so lucky to have gotten to know you via Tom x
You didn’t sound at all ungracious, no worries.
Struggles come with love Julie. Like the above comment, I think you are wonderful. So is Ming. So is Anthony. No one tells us how to do this thing called life. It’s a new ‘thing’ for every breath we take. ❤
Julie, I feel for you all so deeply. Ming is a young man, and young to be going through this. I think I would understand whatever choice he makes concerning Ants.
Besides all of this, your wonderful writing style shines through, so honest and heartfelt and perfectly expressed. There is a book in you that many would love to read. Of that I am certain!
i find myself going back to those times where Al smiled so big and seemed so happy much more today than ever. I guess it is my way of not crying over the void in my life. Hugs
Eckhart Tolle always says all our suffering is from a place of non-acceptance. It can be so difficult to understand this in times of loss and stress, but the more I accept “what is” in my life and learn from these situations with love and nurturing in my heart, the more my life opens to receive exactly what I need. You are a special person Julie and you have all the courage, love and strength you need within to walk this journey with Ming and Anthony. ❤️❤️
You’re a good mum Jules. Ming is lucky that he can say those types of things to you, even when it’s stuff that he’s just feeling in the moment. ❤
Diana xo
Life is not easy…….for many of us.
Coping with chronic illness and the fragility of the one you love inevitably brings a roller coaster of emotions. It’s scary in its intensity. No 2 days are really the same.
Don’t underestimate your strength, but don’t overestimate your coping ability either.
Just try to accept whatever happens on any given day as normal for that day. Remember that it’s ok to have a cry and release all that pent up tension. In fact, I think crying is a good way to ‘clear out the trash’ before the build-up becomes too overwhelming.
Ming is obviously struggling too.
As long as you and Ming have this wonderful relationship of sharing and accepting, you will be Blessed with the strength to carry on. Vicki x
What is an “…unpredictable road of dead leaves, bright stars and joyous laughter” ?
Life. You’ve expressed it beautifully here, Julie.
I’m so proud to know you here.
A lovely and very moving share, Julie. xx
It is good that Ming has continued to visit his dad, but it must be hard for this young man to see his beloved father deteriorate, having less good days and more bad days.
Chronic grief for someone still alive is a very difficult thing to endure.
I’m glad Ming’s been able to return. It is heart-wrenching to see someone you love so unable to respond and ‘be’ like they used to be .. Diane