This hasn’t happened for so long that I had almost forgotten: Anthony’s wish to come home.
From between noon and 3pm today, Anthony tried, futilely, to get up from his armchair and kept repeating “C’mon, Jules, let’s go home.”
Over and over and over again, I kept making excuses: “I have to go to work at 3pm, Ants” – in reference to support meeting I was attending this afternoon; reassuring him that his long-deceased mother was fine; re-explaining to him that he was in a nursing home and had Parkinson’s disease; and telling him how much I loved him.
Similar stories were shared at the family support meeting and I love the fact that we can comfort each other simply by acknowledging that we are all going through similar experiences with our loved ones.
It is 40 years since I fell in love with Anthony, the cheeky, macho dairy farmer with a penchant for motorbikes and fast cars – a man 23 years older than me who stole my heart.
And, no matter how much I would love to bring him home, I can’t; he is immobile now.
Perhaps, instead of always trying to be positive, I should just accept the fact that this is a horrible situation.
I can’t be bothered with the categories and tags that I should attach to this post/blog. From now on I am just going to write my heart out in whatever way I can and this will be such a relief!
This isn’t home anymore, Ants, because you are not here.
jmgoyder 
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Thank you so much for sharing it all, the good, the bad and the ugly. It’s all part of life and everyone, no matter how good they have it, or how bad they have it at any given time, need to know that it is all part of life. It’s how we deal with it that makes all the difference. And you, dear Julie, are wonderful for not only dealing with it in such a great way, you also share it with others so they can benefit. Hats off to you! 🙂
Wonderful if you can get relief from writing your thoughts and feelings to share with all your friends. We have you both in our hearts.
Write your heart out, Julie. It’s a relief for you and for us, too. ❤
That last line pulls me up short. It is filled with memories though.
Keep expressing your feelings, Julie. I found when I wrote for “other people,” my writing wasn’t nearly as helpful as when I wrote for myself.
You have been through so much and I wish it were easier.
You will find your new home someday. Ants will always be with you in your heart and mind. But you won’t carry all the suffering.
I wish I knew what to say to comfort you, Julie, but words fail me at this time. Just know that everyone is thinking of you in these difficult days.
Becoming at peace with your reality is not easy.
Vicki
xx
i’m so sorry, that is incredibly painful and hard. know that he will not do that often but when it happens it is heartbreaking. write away, please –
It is heartbreaking when they want to go home and you have to keep saying no can’t happen, when my great aunt Joyce was in a nursing home she would ask every week when she was going home from the day she arrive to the day she died