This afternoon, my first niece, Ashtyn, came to visit us in the nursing home. I was holding Anthony’s hand and chatting about the Sydney conference to Ash, unaware that sleepy-looking Anthony was listening intently, especially when I lowered my voice.
You see, I obviously don’t want Ants to know Ming and I are going to be away for a few days because I don’t want him to feel abandoned, so I wasn’t going to tell him. And I didn’t anticipate that he would pick up on my conversation with Ashtyn in any accurate way because just before she arrived he’d asked me to clear away the mess of non-existent champagne glasses on the window ledge.
But, as soon as Ashtyn left, Anthony said, “So why didn’t you tell me you were going to Sydney?”
Sprung! I fumbled around with reasons and excuses and reassurances that it wouldn’t be for ages, all the little lies tucked inside my throat like baby mosquitoes, and it took ages to convince him that I wasn’t leaving him.
Oh well, I have three days before we go, so I will spend as much time as possible with Ants at the nursing home. It was a mistake to talk so openly in front of him about my own plans and I accidentally made him feel excluded – argh.
Another lesson learned.
The thing that saved the situation was when I remarked on how beautiful Ashtyn looked (pregnant with second child) and he said, “She knows how to do it.”
jmgoyder 
its like when you talk above children and think they either wont pick up on it or not understand.
Lessons are always being learned, aren’t they? Good luck with your trip.
How difficult life can be but glad that something ‘saved the situation’.
Yes I remember at some point reading or hearing how it makes any patient feel when loved ones or doctors talk as though they aren’t there or have any say or opinion at all… It makes them feel ‘invisible’ … So always tried to remember that… Diane
Life is complicated and how.
Of course he would pick up on it because you didn’t want him to do so men are like that
PS. I know that’s not exactly apropos to what you said.. But it just came to mind …. Diane
He keeps you on your toes Julie 🙂
It must be very hard to have to make up believable excuses like that. I suppose it would be easy if you lied easily (say like Donald Trump), but for an honest person stuff like that does taste bad. Even when done to save someone hurt feelings. I’m sure the book you are writing will help so many people hopefully avoid slips like this. Sending good thoughts!
Your words are rich in wisdom especially for those of us with a loved one in the same position. Even though all of this is serious business there is a somewhat ‘comic relief’ in most unexpected bits of conversation. One minute we can be overwhelmed with the intensity of it all and then in the next minute…..
“Jules, you need to clear the ledge if those champaign glasses.” You know how to do it, Ants.