wings and things

4. Lost for words

on July 7, 2017

My visits to Anthony are often very silent and this is fine. The other day, as he was half-asleep in his broda-chair (armchair on wheels), I felt such a surge of love for him that tears filled my eyes.

At one point his own eyes opened properly and he said, “Jules?”

Me: I’m here, Ants. I love you so much!

Anthony: Yes I know.

Me: Actually, you’re supposed to say it back.

Anthony: Yes, I know.


He gave me his half-smile and said, “I love you Jules,” then drifted back to sleep.

Later on, when he woke again:

Me: Do you want me to stop saying ‘I love you’ all the time?

Anthony: Just for awhile.

Me: You want to sleep again. Am I that boring?

Anthony: No, you’re not boring.

Me: What am I then?

Anthony: Just slightly boring.

Me: How dare you!

Anthony: I didn’t mean it, Jules.

Me: So why are you looking at me so ferociously?



Any words I was about to speak were lost within my laughter.

Anthony’s half smile broadened to the best of its ability. The muscles in his face have been so affected by Parkinson’s Disease that he often appears to be angry or unhappy, so a smile is like gold. So one of my main goals for each visit is to somehow get that smile happening. When I can’t, I feel a bit defeated and ask for reassurance that he is okay. His answer is almost always the same but often uttered with a that masked facial expression.

Me: Are you happy, Ants?

Anthony: Always happy.

And once again I am lost for words at how accepting of our circumstance this wonderful husband of mine is.



18 responses to “4. Lost for words

  1. artfulanxiety says:


  2. Its tough, and exhausting but you obviously still have your moments !

  3. Anonymous says:

    Is there some sort of mathematical equation for two times two times amazing?

  4. Your conversations with Ants do make me smile Julie x

  5. susanpoozan says:

    You are such a tryer.

  6. mimijk says:

    Blessings to you both…

  7. Vicki says:

    Are you SURE Anthony’s got Dementia šŸ™‚
    Sometimes I think he’s just pretending šŸ˜³ (with some of the comments he comes out with)

    • jmgoyder says:

      Thanks Vicki! I will catch up properly soon. BTW I recently nearly got scammed by a coaching institute – very interesting. I will pm you the detail via Facebook x

      • Vicki says:

        I’ve been scammed twice, once by a Nigerian Co and once by a Computer repair company. Email is better for me.

  8. angelasommers says:

    Really thank you for sharing these precious moments. Many times – like right this post of yours – brings tears to my eyes, such a beautiful person you are and what a wonderful family – and the ability to hold it all together. My Martial Arts teacher ( and really more life coach that just mere Martial Arts teacher) always tells me “celebrate every living breath as if it was your last breath.” Well, you guys are just doing that. Such beauty and love in the face of such difficult circumstances…your posts always brighten my day. Thanks!

  9. tersiaburger says:

    I love reading your interchanges. You must of had a wonderful marriage. Lots of love my friend

  10. tootlepedal says:

    It is hard to read your dialogues with a straight face, either because of laughing or crying….or sometimes both simultaneously.

  11. What a wonderful conversation

  12. If only the world paid more attention to you and Anthony. Such lessons you give us.

  13. Jane Chesebrough says:

    I find it very interesting that Anthony still teases you every once in a while. In and out with the cognitive abilities, abut what a blessing when he’s “on”. He still loves you.

  14. Think I already left a reply but don’t see it. I stated, (paraphrasing) that I find it interesting that Anthony still teases you when he is “on” cognitively and that he still loves you. What a blessing!

  15. Those touching moments and words I know find a special place deep in your heart to always remember… Diane

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