jmgoyder

wings and things

3. Existence

on July 5, 2017

One of the most poignant conversations I’ve ever had with Anthony was a few months ago. From time to time he comes out with the most profound observations and I scribble these into my notebook because I know that later – sometimes much later – I won’t believe that he really said that.

Me: Is it okay if I write a book about you, Ants?

Anthony: No.

Me: Why?

Anthony: Because I don’t exist.

Was this dreadful statement about not existing a wisecrack, a joke, sarcasm? Anthony always had the most incredible attitude to life, and still has! He has no idea that he has Dementia and, now that he is virtually bed-ridden, I just tell him it’s the Parkinson’s Disease that makes him so tired.

Way back when we weren’t even married, there was an enormous spider in the kitchen which I rather shriekingly killed with a can of mortein. Later on, Anthony came in from milking the cows and I told him about my adventure. He looked at me, grief-stricken. “That was my pet spider, Jules!”

I was devastated! How could this man possibly ever love me when I had killed his pet spider? How could I make amends? Could I find another spider that looked like the one I’d killed? Did pet shops sell spiders?

We had a rather subdued meal until finally, unable to contain his mirth, Anthony guffawed and admitted that he was just joking. I am yet to experience a ‘phew’ quite like that!

And what is the point of this chapter? Well, maybe – just maybe, Anthony is just fooling around with us. Maybe he doesn’t have Dementia after all. Maybe these recent years have been a strange nightmare.

Me: Is it okay with you if I write a book about that spider, Ants?

Anthony: Of course.

 


3 responses to “3. Existence

  1. Would that it was just a nightmare . . . and you both were awake.

  2. Judy says:

    This was so funny – I was laughing even before the punchline. I knew he was pulling your leg. This spider story has legs! It’s a perfect post for the Web. 🙂

  3. I’ve never met Anthony before, but from all of the wonderful, character defining things you have shared with us, if there was ever anyone who would toy with dementia and shame that beast with his tenacity and wit, it would be Anthony.

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