Since Anthony died, apart from the next day when we cleared his room, I haven’t been back to the nursing home. I’ve wanted very much to go back but was too nervous that I might disintegrate so I just sent a thank you card in which I said I’d bring a thank you gift soon. I arranged, then disarranged, to meet my mother, Meg, there twice but today we finally actually did it.
I had bought three of those extra long toblerone chocolate thingies and a ribbon to tie them together with. My mother and I met in the parking lot and we walked in together but, just as we were about to turn the corner into the hallway where Anthony’s room was, I began to cry. Meg suggested maybe not today but I really wanted to get it over with – to give the gift, to walk up that hallway, to peek into Anthony’s room, and to give the woman in the room opposite his a hug.
The male nurse who was in charge today accepted the chocolates and gave me a look of such wonderful sympathy but the crying had kicked in so I kind of fled, with my mother just behind me. Back down the hallway past not-Anthony’s-room-anymore to the outside.
There is a little area outside with chairs and I have often wondered who might sit there. Now it was us – my mother and me – I cried and she hugged me. Various staff, coming and going, saw us and came over to have a chat/hug and I gradually calmed down and stopped crying.
It will be easier to visit people in the nursing home next time. I plan to take little Pip in to see the various residents who I have become so fond of over the years.
I have a great big thank you in my heart – to everyone at the nursing home who cared so wonderfully for this beautiful man.
Thank you.
jmgoyder 
Well done!
well Julie, you managed the first hurdle – well done. Onwards and upwards as they say . However it wont always be onwards . Allow yourself time to find your new you. You have many years ahead of you so allow yourself to dream and then make some of those dreams a reality. Thank you for sharing this journey with us.
Yes, Well done, Julie 🙂
It’ll take many more hurdles to overcome as time goes by, some easy, some very difficult, but I know you’ll face them with the strength that have made you the wonderful person that you are. Always kind, Always endearing.
No doubt your wonderful Mother will help you all move on together – You, Ming and all those who loved Anthony for the generous spirit that is is/was. Vicki x
Well done, that was a big hurdle, very proud of you. No doubt the staff grieved with you. Xxxxx
they know Julie, sending love xx
and you have taken your first step, which was so huge and you will be back –
Brave warrior – one step at a time. Much love
Oh, that was hard…but good for you, Julie.
As far away as I am, I can feel your tears.
So glad you were able to release your tears and have your mother with you during this difficult time. You are very brave, Julie.
You are so very brave, Julie. Sending love and hugs. ❤
Another step taken with many more hard yards to go. You have a great deal of goodwill to help you on your way though with ours added to it.
I get the crying but going back and giving a gift to those wonderful people who took such good care of Anthony was a wonderful thing to do