I wrote about hope yesterday in such a hopeless way that I deleted the post and now can’t remember what I wrote anyway. After a couple of days, including this morning, of feeling a sense of absolute hopelessness, I read a few blogs and articles and have regained a sense of hope and purpose.
Ming has an extraordinary capacity to reassure and comfort me in my grief and, whenever I am crying, he says, “Keep crying, Mum, and I will keep hugging you; stop trying to stop crying!”
Nevertheless, I am sick and tired of my own grief. Anthony is dead and I have to move willingly into a new world without him. The “look after yourself, Julie” advice given to me over many years, from many friends, finally seems sensible to me now – pragmatic and even useful. Who knows?
I don’t think that hope just happens automatically, and I don’t believe that hope is genetic; I think hope is something that we, ourselves, create if we are willing to do so.
So many people, in so many circumstances – much worse than my own simple grief of losing my elderly husband – have created their own hope and I really want to be part of that somehow.
Hope
jmgoyder 
You have put yourself on the right path, now is the time to start stepping along it with the wonderful support you have, good luck!
Your own support means a lot to me, Susan
Allow yourself to grieve Julie.
Your own sense of hope will arise when it’s ready.
Thank you so so much for this, my lovely friend x
Hope I believe is hard for us to generate…. I think it comes from looking back at our lives and see what was good…. like all the years and love you had with Anthony…like the birth of a son who is now your support, joy and your ‘hope’.
I believe it comes from the thoughts that the future holds… different of course and wondering what that might be. Along with hope is faith. Faith to believe that just as your past gave you much joy, the future can do that as well. Faith being the substance of what is hoped for, the evidence which is not yet seen.
Diane ❤ ❤ ❤
Hope is such a many-faceted word. It means different things to different people.
I wrote about the subject on a health blog when I’d been newly diagnosed around 10 years ago and at that time, Hope meant that I wished my health to get better. But now I accept that my chronic ill health will never get ‘better’ and I am filled with Acceptance and changing my Mindset to concentrate on each day Mindfully. Concentrate on what is (my current reality today). Putting aside the past (which is history and can never be changed) and not thinking about the Future (as it hasn’t happened yet and can change in a million different ways).
So I just think about today. It’s Spring and the sun is shining weakly through some low cloud cover. The ever-present fierce wind has dropped and all I hear is Birdsong around my apartment balcony and open door. There’s a faint rustling in the young Eucalyptus sapling nearby and I know there some House Sparrows, Wrens and Honeyeaters quiet close.
I see the small details in my life and try not to worry about the big details (like money, home & health).
Crying is good for the Grieving process. It releases the tension and sorrow.
But try to spend some time outdoors walking and looking at the small details around you too. Hear the birds and wonder who they are and who they’re calling to. Listen to the rustling of the wind in the treetops. I mean really open your eyes and ears and let every sense feel the coming of the new Julie.
Your life has changed now. It’s not necessarily worse or better.
It’s different.
Be open to the new era and the new way of living. Initially it may be lonely, empty and without purpose, but know that Hope and Joy can come and time will heal. Think of the many family and friends who are also grieving.
You are not alone (and never will be).
You are so wise Vicki – thank you so much x
You don’t have to stop grieving… You grieve and you carry on. In my mind I see you going about your day and chatting with Anthony in your heart. And he’s standing about, smiling sweetly.
Some people describe life as being circular but I see it as a spiral, one which frequently becomes twisted in unison with others along the way. I recall you telling the story of a young girl who fell in love with a man on a farm, a man who loved her so much he sent her away because he wanted her to live her life, this time around it is he who has taken a journey she cannot accompany him on. I can imagine the grief you feel was similar to the pain of his until you returned. While he cannot physically come back to you I think there is still a long road ahead in your journey together as you share your experiences with others, as you retell your stories in books or other mediums. He might not be here to hold your hand but he will always live on in your heart, and for what it is worth over the last few years you have convinced this old cynic that for a lucky few true love does exist xxx
Oh Paula – thank you so much for this amazing comment!
Aw, I’m glad to see this post came back. I don’t see you as hopeless, Julie. It is grief that has overwhelmed your soul.
You have lived with it for such a long time and now that Anthony is gone – well, if has become your new companion.
Hope is waiting in the wings. It’s there and she will embrace you when you see her.
Julie I think that you ‘want’ hope means it is there for you. It exists and waits for you to feel it. And I think your loss is as traumatic as anyone’s trauma. It tears at your heart, or pummels it.
And that boy of yours….what a wonderful young man.
Hope is so important in one’s life, if we have hope, we have something
You have time. It is still so fresh. You have a very wise son, by the way. Bless you.