Anthony: By the way, why do you need my death certificate?
Me: Actually I think it’s about time we addressed the elephant-in-the-room situation.
Anthony: You’ve always wanted to go to Africa.
Me: Anthony, you know what I’m talking about so stop kidding around!
Anthony: All right then – what’s up?
Me: I’m a tiny bit worried about these conversations. Sometimes I’m in town doing errands and I can’t wait to get home to talk to you like this; it’s ridiculous because, even though I know I am making all of this up and it’s my imagination remembering your voice, it feels so real! It’s good though because I had actually begun to forget your quippy, sarcastic, loud sense of humour and our robust conversations – even our arguments – because you got so quiet in the nursing home. Out of all of the things we lost with the Parkinson’s I think it’s your booming voice I miss the most. Sometimes I look at photos of you laughing with your face all crinkled up with mirth and it bothers me that I can’t actually remember the sound of your laugh and … well, I need your death certificate to prove to the bank that you’re dead so that I can withdraw money and ….
Anthony: (SILENT PAUSE)
Me: OMG have I upset you? Ants?
Anthony: Sorry Jules, just ducked out for a word with the new guy. You were saying?
Me: OH GOD!
Anthony: Great bloke. Do you want me to get you an appointment?
Me: Is this really happening? Argh….
Anthony: Keep writing, Jules, keep writing.
jmgoyder 
Keep writing is right!
It’s really helping!
OMG Jules…these convos are priceless and honestly, they feel sooo real! I think you are an amazingly strong woman who had a once in a lifetime love with the one and only person who could draw the best of you out!! There’s a play in here somewhere…a one woman show (with a ghost of course!).
Oh thanks so much Rhonda – I am actually writing a playscript now thanks to yours and my best friend, Nicky’s encouragement – still a bit nervous of falling in a heap again but I have a bloody good psychologist xxxxxxxx
Oh that’s such great news…and I imagine even greater therapy. Happy to hear you really like your psychologist…makes a difference. And you know Jules…you’ve fallen in a heap, more than once, and look at you! So, if you feel like you’re gonna fall, then fall…you already know who’s gonna catch you! So proud of you my darling friend. You inspire to no end. Truly. xoxo
I adore you, Rhonda!
I look forward to these lovely conversations, Julie. What a healing energy this all has. No – it is not crazy. It is wonderful because you are surrounding yourself with joyful memories and Anthony’s love. So much better than dwelling on his decline and death. Keep writing and do consider that this could be a playscript!!!
I’m actually seriously writing the script now – wow!
Good thing. It’s going to be a keeper!
OMG! This is my favorite of your conversations so far – your ability to deal with Anthony’s departure and ability to make this into a conversation like this -you rock! Maybe this will develop into a new form of dealing with grief!
It’s certainly helping me to deal with the grief, that’s for sure.
You made me laugh today whether you meant too or not. I hope you don’t mind.
That makes me so happy!
I think these conversations are amazing
It’s so much fun – I can’t believe it!
Yep….I agree with your beloved……’keep writing Jules……keep writing’
However you can cope….whatever it takes…..do that!!!
There will come a time when the conversations will become less and less….until then….. ‘do whatever floats your boat’….’whatever blows your hair back’……whatever makes your bum hum’….. you get the idea 😉
‘bum hum’ haha!
I’m not very brilliant Julie, but I think you are. I think it speaks volumes of your love for Anthony that you can do this….and from everything I have read ‘from’ Anthony….it sounds like you are talking to him. I think it is healing and wonderful and I am sure he would want you to talk with him for as long as you want…. forever.
I hope it lasts!
Me too!
I agree with Rhonda – these conversations are priceless and this post relates the best one yet.
PS. I hope you’re keeping these for your book. They’re amusingly honest and relate the beautiful relationship you had with Anthony.
I’m actually writing a script for a play with these and the dementia dialogues. It was my friend’s idea and it seems to be working!