wings and things

Imagined conversation 57

on August 2, 2018

Anthony: I know.

Me: I really hoped that August might not affect me, but it has.

Anthony: Nearly a year since I last saw you.

Me: Those last 24 hours of your life haunt me now because I worry, all over again, about whether you were suffering. Eight hours in the hospital on a trolley, waiting for I am not sure what now! You were barely conscious and I was probably nearly fracturing your hand by holding it for so long.

Anthony: I remember.

Me: My worst memory is, having asked you if you were okay over and over again, you shook your head, no. That is when I began to realise things were bad because for so many years of me asking if you were okay, you would always say. Fit as a fiddle. And it wasn’t my decision to ambulance you to hospital, Ants; it was taken out of my hands. I am so sorry!

Anthony: Jules, the hospital hours are forgotten to me. All I remember is you getting the ambulance to take me back to the nursing home so that I could die in my own bed. That was a blessing.

Me: Did you know you were going to die then, Ants?

Anthony: No, and I am so sorry it was so fast, Jules.

Me: Ming understands my troubled state and even predicted August might be hard for me.

Anthony: Ming understands a whole lot more than that, Jules!


Photo: Courtesy of Mandy Goyder

6 responses to “Imagined conversation 57

  1. Who I am says:

    Hugs. I never forget my brother or father’s anniversary date and neither will you

  2. Yes a hard month ahead for you just take it one day at a time

  3. Oh my! That is an adorable photo! It really took my breath away as I scrolled through the writing and came to the image.Good advice from joannerambling, “One day at a time.” you are walking through this Julie.Just “be” and rest when you need to.All the best.

  4. Rhino House says:

    The sadness of time, tempered by memory’s comfort.

  5. Barb says:

    I’m told the years get easier. I suppose that’s true, but we don’t forget. Not birthdays, anniversaries, nor the day of passing.

    I think it is a sign that they left a mark on our heart, and we choose to remember and honor them for the gifts they brought us. May you and Ming have peace.

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