jmgoyder

wings and things

What Love is, and is Not

on November 30, 2018

Months ago I joined a local writing group but had only attended one meeting until tonight, when an open mic. event was hosted by a café in the little city ten minutes away from this farm.

I had written a short poem for a beautiful young couple, who were recently married in Fiji, because they reminded me of how Anthony and I were. Their love for each other resonated gently with me, but also made me super nostalgic.

Anyway, for the open mic. I extended the poem to include my grief at losing the love of my life, not anticipating that I might falter in my performance of it!

Here is the poem, dedicated in original form to Tash and Mike and, in extended form, to Anthony and me:

WHAT LOVE IS/& IS NOT

Sometimes,
when I am trying to
figure out
what Love is
and isn’t,
I endeavour to squish it
into a package of
neat-and-tidy certainty,
a security blanket of
absoluteness.
Full stop.

So,
I get anxious
about
the loose threads….

And then it strikes me
that Love is anything but
neat and tidy!

Instead,
Love is an unravelling….

Full of mystery,
and gasping with hope,
Love is a chuckling
journey,
a glass of water
on a really hot day,
and as simple
as a single, tiny,
plump
moment.

It will be my second Christmas without you,
my beautiful, adoring husband.
I want you back
to see the moonflowers blooming.
I want you back
to pick the figs and
to watch the blue wrens flitter busily.
I want you back
to watch Black Books and
to supervise the Sunday roast.
I want you back
to feel the bruise of my Love unravelling into your broad chest.
I want you back
to grip my hand in yours until my fingers crack.
I want you back to help me come to terms with life without you.
I
just
want
you
to
please
come
back.

Sometimes,
when I am trying to
figure out
what Love is
and isn’t,
I endeavour to squish it
into a package of
neat-and-tidy certainty,
a security blanket of
absoluteness.
Full stop.

So,
I get anxious
about
the loose threads….

And then it strikes me
that Love is anything but
neat and tidy!

Instead,
Love is an unravelling….

As I read the poem out tonight, I was in fine form until the third I want you back when I broke into stumbling tears. I was a bit embarrassed that my own poem made me cry but the audience, of around 50 people, was compassionate.


31 responses to “What Love is, and is Not

  1. Vicki says:

    A beautiful poem for 2 loving couples.

  2. The beauty of this is the truth in it, the emotion in it, the unraveling of it. Even when you read it. ❤

  3. susanpoozan says:

    A lovely poem, you were brave to read it out.

  4. Judy says:

    Wow, this is so heartfelt and touching, Julie. I felt teary reading it!

    • jmgoyder says:

      I actually performed the poem, with gestures etc. Now I know better how you feel performing and yet you do it with such ease, Judy!

      • Judy says:

        The trick, Julie, is hiding the nervousness. But for me it took a long time and practice made the difference. I perform regularly and if I miss a few weeks, I get nervous again. But that also fuels adrenaline and makes for a great performance.
        People really appreciate your courage and true feelings come across. Sharing that you’re nervous is perfectly ok. Good for you!!

  5. Who I am says:

    very good and emotional. Truth

    • jmgoyder says:

      Difficult stuff, Terry. Thank you so much for your ongoing support because it means the world to me! I have become a bit of a silent reader of yours and other peoples blogs. It is the best I can do atm xxxx

  6. lovely poem. Julie I was watching a TV programme about a farming couple with a similar age gap – they are blessed with 9 children, They live out in the wilds of the Yorkshire Dales. When I saw it , I immediately though of you

  7. a beautiful poem, straight from your heart, and thus your tears of love. ❤
    Diana xo

  8. Reading out loud and breaking down must have been a very vulnerable experience, and I sympathize. I am glad you had compassionate people listening.. The poem is beautiful, so true about love not being neat and tidy. Keep writing and keep growing.

  9. angelasommers says:

    I was crying just reading it…….thank you for sharing this beautiful poem!

  10. Ann says:

    Julie, this is so precious. Beautifully written. Love Ann

    Sent from Mail for Windows 10

  11. Heather Hugo says:

    So so so good!! Love you, Heather xx

    Sent from my iPad

    >

  12. Anonymous says:

    My tears blend with yours my beautiful daughter.

  13. ksbeth says:

    what a wonderful poem and how nice that you had the opportunity with the full emotion that went with it, to an open compassionate audience .think how far you’ve come

  14. What a beautiful poem, I really liked it

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