Months ago I joined a local writing group but had only attended one meeting until tonight, when an open mic. event was hosted by a café in the little city ten minutes away from this farm.
I had written a short poem for a beautiful young couple, who were recently married in Fiji, because they reminded me of how Anthony and I were. Their love for each other resonated gently with me, but also made me super nostalgic.
Anyway, for the open mic. I extended the poem to include my grief at losing the love of my life, not anticipating that I might falter in my performance of it!
Here is the poem, dedicated in original form to Tash and Mike and, in extended form, to Anthony and me:
WHAT LOVE IS/& IS NOT
Sometimes,
when I am trying to
figure out
what Love is
and isn’t,
I endeavour to squish it
into a package of
neat-and-tidy certainty,
a security blanket of
absoluteness.
Full stop.
So,
I get anxious
about
the loose threads….
And then it strikes me
that Love is anything but
neat and tidy!
Instead,
Love is an unravelling….
Full of mystery,
and gasping with hope,
Love is a chuckling
journey,
a glass of water
on a really hot day,
and as simple
as a single, tiny,
plump
moment.
It will be my second Christmas without you,
my beautiful, adoring husband.
I want you back
to see the moonflowers blooming.
I want you back
to pick the figs and
to watch the blue wrens flitter busily.
I want you back
to watch Black Books and
to supervise the Sunday roast.
I want you back
to feel the bruise of my Love unravelling into your broad chest.
I want you back
to grip my hand in yours until my fingers crack.
I want you back to help me come to terms with life without you.
I
just
want
you
to
please
come
back.
Sometimes,
when I am trying to
figure out
what Love is
and isn’t,
I endeavour to squish it
into a package of
neat-and-tidy certainty,
a security blanket of
absoluteness.
Full stop.
So,
I get anxious
about
the loose threads….
And then it strikes me
that Love is anything but
neat and tidy!
Instead,
Love is an unravelling….
As I read the poem out tonight, I was in fine form until the third I want you back when I broke into stumbling tears. I was a bit embarrassed that my own poem made me cry but the audience, of around 50 people, was compassionate.
jmgoyder 
A beautiful poem for 2 loving couples.
It undid me if that makes sense
The beauty of this is the truth in it, the emotion in it, the unraveling of it. Even when you read it. ❤
I will liaise with you soon re possible accompanying illustrations because maybe this could be like the intro. to our book? Dunno x
You know where I am 🙂 This is a very strong write Julie.
A lovely poem, you were brave to read it out.
I only realise this in retrospect alas!
Wow, this is so heartfelt and touching, Julie. I felt teary reading it!
I actually performed the poem, with gestures etc. Now I know better how you feel performing and yet you do it with such ease, Judy!
The trick, Julie, is hiding the nervousness. But for me it took a long time and practice made the difference. I perform regularly and if I miss a few weeks, I get nervous again. But that also fuels adrenaline and makes for a great performance.
People really appreciate your courage and true feelings come across. Sharing that you’re nervous is perfectly ok. Good for you!!
very good and emotional. Truth
Difficult stuff, Terry. Thank you so much for your ongoing support because it means the world to me! I have become a bit of a silent reader of yours and other peoples blogs. It is the best I can do atm xxxx
lovely poem. Julie I was watching a TV programme about a farming couple with a similar age gap – they are blessed with 9 children, They live out in the wilds of the Yorkshire Dales. When I saw it , I immediately though of you
I will have to look that program up Brenda – thank you!
a beautiful poem, straight from your heart, and thus your tears of love. ❤
Diana xo
Very sorry to have lost touch, Diana, and thank you so much for your support and not minding me being so blog-slack haha
no worries Julie. I actually haven’t posted for quite some time. ❤
Diana xo
Reading out loud and breaking down must have been a very vulnerable experience, and I sympathize. I am glad you had compassionate people listening.. The poem is beautiful, so true about love not being neat and tidy. Keep writing and keep growing.
OMG Jane, I was so embarrassed because I did not see the teary thing coming! Thanks for your fantastic comment and encouragement here.
I was crying just reading it…….thank you for sharing this beautiful poem!
Thanks Angela – gravestone is finally being erected on Monday so I am a bit emosh!
Good poem.
Thanks, kind sir!
Julie, this is so precious. Beautifully written. Love Ann
Sent from Mail for Windows 10
Oh Ann – thank you!
So so so good!! Love you, Heather xx
Sent from my iPad
>
Thank you Heather!
My tears blend with yours my beautiful daughter.
what a wonderful poem and how nice that you had the opportunity with the full emotion that went with it, to an open compassionate audience .think how far you’ve come
What a beautiful poem, I really liked it
Beautiful!!
Great work!