Me: Yesterday marks the fifth anniversary of your death, Ants.
Anthony: I’m not oblivious to that fact, Jules.
Me: I didn’t have a good day, actually. I visited a friend, took my mother to an appointment and then came home. I had been invited by one of my best friends, who just lives up the road, to come to hers if I needed a shoulder, but I decided to just stay home and be miserable.
Anthony: Silly girl!
Me: That night you died, so suddenly, she let me stay at hers and I’ll never forget it.
Anthony: Jules?
Me: Yes?
Anthony: It’s five years, we have our first, brand new, perfect grandchild, and you are sad? Pull yourself together!
Me: Well, logically speaking, you are right of course! In the same month you died, our grandchild is born so this gives August a totally new meaning for me.
Anthony: So, get on with it, Jules! You are now ‘Grandmama’!
Me: I just wish so much you could see her, Ants!
Anthony: I am looking at her right now, Jules. She’s the spitting image of Ming but she seems to have her beautiful mother’s dark hair.
Me: So are you sort of like an angel now, Ants?
Anthony: I just checked under my arms and, unfortunately, I don’t have my white wings yet.
Me: Why do you turn everything into a joke?
Anthony: You are far too serious, Jules.
Me: Oh! Okay.
Anthony: Let me go.
jmgoyder 
Oh Juli! That last line! You are so brave.putting tat down on paper, is heroic.
Is this you, Mama?
These conversations are so heart-felt. I absolutely love them. Still. Always. As long as you publish them.
my niece brought my father’s brand new great-grandchild to the hospital to visit him when he was in his last days. my father got tears in his eyes and smiled and said, ‘my we are a fertile family!’ it is amazing how life comes and goes in cycles. ❤
Dear Julie,
The anniversaries will continue to be emotional. How could they not? But it will get easier. We are far more resilient than we give ourselves credit for. And what a lovely gift you have been given in your new grandchild!
You are so blessed. ❤
Lynda
Letting go can be hard
Hard to obey that last instruction, I would say.
re: Anthony’s comment, ” let me go” bittersweet. Like Lynda says, anniversaries continue to be emotional. You are probably right where you are supposed to be. Wishing you the best and enjoy that granddaughter!